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Ibrahim Zubair Mohammad is apprehension balloon for two years at Lucas County Correction Center. His balloon has been adjourned four times, the adjudicator has been afflicted three times, and he has been denied band twice. He is answerable with cabal to accommodate actual abutment and assets to terrorists, cabal to accomplish coffer fraud, and cabal to arrest justice. His wife and kids are petitioning his absolution on bond. A 72-page allegation can be begin on Mohammad’s charge. 

I got up this morning, got all four kids accessible for school, dealt with a acceptable accord of tantrums, and hustled them into the car so we could exhausted cartage and get to academy on time. I came home, sat my toddler in advanced of the laptop to watch cartoons until nap time, which has now become a barometer because I aloof do not accept the activity or discipline to handle his 3-year-old tantrums. Single moms can accept my struggle.

The boredom of routine, the accident of providing, the loneliness—I won’t say it’s consistently hard, but some canicule are absolutely harder than others. Lately, however, I feel the weight of time casual like a bedrock on my chest. With anniversary beat of the pendulum, I apprehend the force of time that has delayed aback they took him.

Rewind two years ago to November 2015 aback activity was absolutely different. My husband, Ibrahim, and I had abashed to Dallas three months above-mentioned from the Midwest. We were abounding of ambition, dreams, and plans. Again aloof like that, the fantasy of actuality afterpiece to my family, accepting that six-figure job, award that amazing academy for the kids and active in our dream home was gone in the blink of an eye.

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They came in 14 bare cars. FOURTEEN. Why so abounding to arrest one man is still a abstruseness to me. Ibrahim was captivation our 2-year-old son at the time aback they stormed into our garage. Ibrahim was artlessly on his way to work. I was accepting accessible to booty the kids to school. It was declared to be a archetypal day. What was happening? I shouted at my three earlier accouchement to go to their rooms; I did not appetite them to see what was activity on in the garage. I ran out, sans hijab, and took our youngest son from Ibrahim. I accepted a warrant, which was initially denied but presented briefly thereafter. They did accept a warrant, and this was no mistake. Ibrahim, forth with three added Muslim men, was answerable with cabal to accommodate actual abutment to terrorists, cabal to accomplish coffer fraud, and cabal to arrest justice. In a nutshell, it’s what they allegation any Muslim man with aback they don’t apperceive what abroad to adjure up.

Ibrahim blacked out. He was continuing there alert to the battery of legalities, the instructions accustomed to me by the U.S. Marshalls: which court, what time, what accomplish to take, which lawyer. On and on they droned while Ibrahim’s activity flashed afore his eyes. Would he anytime see our four accouchement again? Would he anytime get the adventitious to run about the abode with them again? Would our toddler alike bethink him? Would he anytime see his mother again? It was all too abundant for him, and he came abolition down.

My bedmate is congenital like a linebacker. Six anxiety tall, ample shoulders, able as an ox. And he fell. I cannot anamnesis what I did with our son, but in an instant, he was no best in my arms, and I begin myself at Ibrahim’s ancillary adorable him to get up. He was afraid profusely, blood-soaked absolutely through his clothes. They alleged the paramedics, and again went on with business. It was aloof addition day at the appointment for them, and a amaranthine daydream for us.

The U.S. Marshalls, I will admit, was somewhat considerate. They accustomed Ibrahim to hug his kids goodbye, and they were accommodating abundant not to put cuffs on him in advanced of the children. But the accouchement saw anyway. They watched, abashed and horrorstruck, from the admiral window, unbeknownst to me, as their ancestor was taken in cuffs into the aback of an bare car. I watched from the driveway, initially abashed and algid in the calefaction of a Texas autumn. My shock eventually angry into assurance as 14 cars collection my bedmate away.

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That was two years ago. Ibrahim was extradited to Ohio for his case. This was the alpha of a witch coursing affiliated to an cool acknowledged ball that includes ambiguous evidence, entrapment, deception, lies, and tragedy. We accept been denied band twice. This is the absoluteness of the abuse that is incarceration. This is the absoluteness of our “justice” system. And we abide to anticipate a balloon that has been adjourned and rescheduled at atomic four times already.

Each day I acknowledgment questions from our accouchement about aback Baba will be home, who took him away, and why they took him away. Our now 3.5-year-old remembers what the others never saw. “Baba fell bottomward in the garage.” He remembers, admitting my atrocious prayers that he forgets that one final angel of his father. He thinks we go to Baba’s abode during “visits.” Our visits absorb bleared video chats transmitted alive to a loud bastille lobby. We try to accept accustomed conversations with Ibrahim, who sits about on an high attic in advanced of addition bleared screen. This has been our contact. Annihilation physical, annihilation through a bottle wall, but rather a low-quality video babble area I can abandoned booty one adolescent per anniversary for a best of 30 minutes. Ibrahim has watched his accouchement abound from abaft this video screen, seeing them abandoned through the eyes of a camera, and from the pictures, I am able to accelerate him.

For two years I accept aloft our accouchement aback in the Midwest, amidst by old accompany who accept accepted Ibrahim and our ancestors for over a decade. They angle by my ancillary relentlessly. They appearance their abutment unconditionally. They adulation our accouchement like their own. These are bodies who accept accepted Ibrahim for so abounding years as a friend, a acknowledged engineer, and a man who was bedeviled with his family. He was that architect who helped architecture albatross enclosures at the burghal zoo, he was that affable acquaintance who acclimated to stop and babble with the neighbors, he was that man who anybody knew for his acceptable smile, he was that acquaintance who bodies could await on alike in the average of the night.

We were that archetypal American ancestors who bankrupt out the barn aback it was balmy out, who done their cars on the weekends, who went biking about the neighborhood, who went to Costco aloof to try the samples. Ibrahim was the bedmate who woke up aboriginal on the weekends so I could beddy-bye in, fabricated his acclaimed omelets for the kids (four altered types for our four captious eaters — well, bristles if you calculation me), sat bottomward with the accouchement and apprehend Quran with them, prayed with his ancestors at home, helped me with affairs and dinner, and my favorite, put the kids to bed. They admired his bedtime stories. The ones that had adventures abounding and acquaint to be learned, the ones I anticipation were abundant too long. After these about hour-long bedtime stories, it would assuredly be our turn. Chai and cookies, and aloof us.

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Now, our canicule abide of the accepted breakfast (only one blazon of egg for our four captious eaters), the banal accepted of school, homework, and me counting bottomward the account until bedtime. There are no bedtime stories, no acuteness larboard for me to adjure up anything, annihilation that will anytime appear abutting to analogous Baba’s adventures. After putting them to bed, I arch to our bedroom, alone, no chai or cookies, no us. Two years of activity to bed alone, absent about Ibrahim and again alive up alone. Two years of actuality mom and dad, provider and comforter. Two years of waiting, struggling, hoping, and added waiting. Two years of actuality emotionally and physically drained. Two years and he’s still not home.

Ibrahim, as I address this, is still apprehension trial, our family’s activity is still in limbo, we are still captivation on to the achievement of bond until said time. How things about-face out in the abreast future, how they about-face out eventually, at what point any of this comes to an “end” is accepted abandoned by God above. In the meantime, we backpack on, accomplishing our best and angry the acceptable fight.

This column was originally appear on Brown Girl Magazine. Click actuality to apprehend more!



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