May 11, 2002
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A cruise to Kuala Lumpur is absolutely a altered Asian experience. Especially, finds Gary Walsh, if you seek your affluence at the bazaar berth of Master Chin.
My acceptable affluence - Master Chin was in. There were so abounding questions I capital to ask the acclaimed soothsayer: would I accept a connected life; would I be rich; would I get absent afresh today?
I knew he was acclaimed because his little berth in the animate axial bazaar of Kuala Lumpur said so. He had told the fortunes of innumerable Malaysian luminaries, including several ministers; he had a account bi-weekly astrometry column; he had appeared on TV3 in 1996; he had provided his casework for an IBM conference; he was mentioned in the Lonely Planet guide.
Master Chin's berth was unattended, but a assurance directed absorbed parties to a neighbouring gift stall, breadth a affable woman explained that Master Chin was animate downstairs.
I wandered to a bend of the bazaar breadth several concealed apartment appeared to be set abreast for affluence tellers. A woman sat alfresco Master Chin's allowance and as I approached she handed me a printed sheet.
There were four forms of affluence cogent that Master Chin could offer, including access and tarot agenda readings. Anniversary was 25 ringgit (about $12.50) but as a appropriate action I could accept all four methods for 50 ringgit.
It was enticing, but my award were agog to be apprehend and I've consistently apprehension that tarot cards were associated with angry and atrocious rites. Catholic upbringing. So I went for the access option.
"That's 25 ringgit?" I ventured.
"No, 20 ringgit," said the woman.
Things were attractive up already.
I was ushered inside, a little afraid that the acclaimed Master Chin didn't accept a abounding book of patients, but ample with anticipation. I was agilely aghast to see that he wasn't cutting the chichi Chinese hat he wore in all his official photos. Still, he had on a nice, adequate cottony shirt and a attractive Fu Manchu moustache. He looked the part.
His publicity posters admiral acclaimed that Master Chin "predicts all advantageous numbers" and said "Satisfaction Guaranteed", which articulate ambrosial convincing, but I was a little overawed in his presence.
We befuddled calmly and I sat aslant adverse him at a agenda table. Master Chin asked me to appearance him my thumbs.
"Stingy," he appear immediately. "You are actual stingy."
This was not a able alpha - presumably, I was stingy because I hadn't gone for the 50 ringgit all-up deal. Master Chin appeared to like the complete of the chat "stingy", because he afresh it abounding times, afore assuredly accepting on to added abating ground.
"You are intelligent," he said, analytical at the backs of my hands. "You will animate long. You are a acceptable lover." This was a accomplished development.
"You will accept two wives," Master Chin said solemnly. "You accept two now?"
"No, alone one."
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"You will accept two."
Master Chin continued. "You are worried." Well, yes, afraid that my wife is action to leave me because I'm stingy, or plan to accept addition wife, alike admitting I'm a acceptable lover.
"You may be a doctor. You appetite to cure people."
Master Chin was floundering. "Do not battery afterwards midnight. You accept a rheumatism in your appropriate knee. Here." He patted my knee and appear that my appointment was over afore pointing to a agenda on which were listed about 20 specific predictions that could be fabricated by slapping bottomward a few added ringgit.
"No, acknowledge you," I said. "Just the access reading."
"Good luck," said Master Chin. Acceptable luck! Why would a affluence teller ambition me acceptable luck? Wasn't he declared to apperceive what was action to appear to me? I capital to apprehend him say, "Now, on October 23, 2007, watch out for that adhesive truck" or "Steer bright of the craven back-scratch on your flight home."
I was abashed and aghast and heartbroken. But I was intelligent, and a acceptable lover.
And I was alive, which I had not accepted to be beforehand in the day.
The Menara Kuala Lumpur - the steroidal Centrepoint belfry that with the corncob Petronas Building defines the KL skyline - is the fourth tallest ascertainment belvedere on earth. I could see it from my auberge room, adorable me from beyond the city. I consulted my map and absitively that I could airing there easily, so I set off in the backward morning heat.
The map appropriate a quick avenue beyond Bukit Bintang, KL's capital commercial-tourist drag, and forth a brace of capital anchorage to the Menara. Unlike Master Chin, however, a appropriate avenue does not appear with a agreement of satisfaction, and I begin myself banausic forth baking footpaths of asperous accurate through a adequately toffy residential section.
The alley my map showed arch to the Menara appeared not to exist, or at atomic not beneath the listed name. I struggled on, up and bottomward hills, with the sun atrociously assault down. Now I couldn't see the Menara - aback you can't see the world's fourth tallest ascertainment belfry and you're meant to be about beneath it, you apperceive you're in trouble.
Eventually I begin a above alley with a assurance pointing me appear the belfry and I anguish my way to the acropolis on which it is built. I afresh faced a brace of long, abrupt flights of stairs afore I assuredly reeled into the admission area.
People were acutely affective abroad from me, and I can't accusation them. My face charge accept looked like an corrupt tomato, and I was afraid added abundantly than I had anytime done in my life. I was cutting an orange shirt that was about 20 shades darker than aback I set out, and I abhorrence that my decrepit pants had accustomed me a wedgie.
I stood in the line, aimlessly aggravating to get cool. I may able-bodied accept been talking incoherently to myself, because the deeply arranged chain beggared to accord me a accent of amplitude advanced and back. I afresh realised I was continuing in the amiss line, and had to drag off afresh in chase of the appropriate place. My capricious advance seemed to be creating a bow beachcomber as bodies veered abroad from my approach.
When I assuredly anesthetized through the metal detector and into the lift, I was still a bleared mess, but the middle-aged gay American who kept authoritative lascivious gestures with his argot at his adolescent Malaysian accompaniment tended to booty the public's absorption abroad from my clammy plight.
At the top - admiration to catch - all of KL was laid out like a 3-D map. I put on the guided bout headphones provided, and afterwards an addition from the bang-up of the Menara, heard an clearly Australian articulation cogent me all about the architect from on high.
It was a striking, all-embracing view. I could alike see my auberge and trace the absurdly circuitous avenue I had taken to get to the tower.
A abounding ambit of "the world's fourth tallest ascertainment tower" took in the celebrated centre of Kuala Lumpur, including ''the world's tallest flagpole" at Merdeka Square, and the Petronas Towers, "the world's tallest buildings". KL, you may accept noticed, has an building complex.
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On the border were the Batu Caves, a above Hindu crusade destination, and the Genting Highlands, a above crusade destination for Asian bank gamblers. It was acceptable to get a faculty of the burghal in its landscape, one badly appetite to be vertical in a abundantly accumbent setting.
When I fabricated my way aback to arena level, my honourable intentions of not travelling by auto while in KL had abolished forth with, thankfully, my bath sweat. I affective an cher cab and headed for Chinatown.
KL, like best Asian cities, has an clashing accord with the west and its common influences. Bukit Bintang, in the alleged Golden Triangle, now offers Bintang Walk, a chi-chi arcade ''experience" lined with amphitheater cafes, blueblood air-conditioned arcades, Starbucks, The Coffee Bean, et al.
It's all actual affable - there are alike electric admirers at cardinal credibility alarming cool, bleary air on diners and passersby - but you ability be anywhere in the world. In Chinatown, however, you apperceive you are in Asia.
The Chinatown day has three audible moods. Aboriginal thing, its streets are sleepy, although the wet markets are a asylum of activity.
In the afternoon, the footpaths of Jalan Petaling, Chinatown's capital arcade street, are afraid with vendors. By night, the artery itself joins the affair and axle tables ample the avenue affairs knock-off cast name watches, bags, perfume, sunglasses, CDs, DVDs and T-shirts, alms them to punters from about the apple who fantasise that they can argue their way to a bargain.
Shoppers clasp accomplished anniversary other, either blank or actuality absorbed by the ceaseless spruiking. ''Hello sir, T-shirt for you? We accept big size!"; ''Hello! Appetite watch?"; ''Hello. DVDs? Accept Lord of the Rings."
People altercation over the latest Tag Heuer archetype and Britney Spears CDs with misspelt song titles, bottles of cologne that aroma aloof hardly off note, ''Oakley" sunglasses with wonky frames and ''Guess" T-shirts with accoutrement blind off them.
I did my bit for the bounded (and apparently the Chinese) atramentous abridgement by negotiating pathetically for a brace of pairs of sunglasses and a affected Swatch watch for my daughter.
Me: "How abundant for the watch?"
Vendor: "Thirty-five ringgit."
Me: "I'll accord you 25 ringgit."
Vendor: "OK. For you, appropriate amount - 32."
Me: "Yeah, appropriate then."
People were advantageous appropriate prices all around, and in the all-enveloping clamminess and the crowding, some tempers were fraying. I watched as a adolescent Australian woman tussled with a bag seller, who was aggressive to alarm the badge over a acquittal dispute. I pushed my way through the assemblage and on to Jalan Hang Lekir, which was moderately beneath busy, but abounding with bare-bulb ablaze from restaurants and bake-apple stalls. Here the touts were bouncing airheaded instead of archetype watches and about physically boring passersby on to seats that agitated into the artery - ''Beer only? OK! No problem!"
I accustomed myself to be fatigued into one and ordered a behemothic Tiger beer and some absurd calamari. As I waited for my food, adequate the casual array and the air-conditioned beer, the already absonant atmosphere was afflicted by the complete of cymbal crashes, gong and aural drumming.
It actuality Chinese New Year, a bounded bobcat ball affiliation was accomplishing a atom of fund-raising. The modus operandi appeared to be extortion - beef into a restaurant in a cacophany and don't leave until you've adequate the administration of some ringgit. Seemed to assignment well.
Later I wandered Chinatown and saw my favourite boutique in the accomplished world, the Fook Hing Casket Shop. I aboriginal came beyond it a few years ago, and anytime since, had capital to go central and ask how abundant a Fook Hing casket was. But the Fook Hing workers were watching the Fook Hing television and I didn't appetite to afflict them.
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In Little India, too, Asia assaults all your senses. Strident Hindi blur music blares from music stores; adorable smells waft from hole-in-the-wall back-scratch houses; luridly coloured saris and cottony fabrics band the walls of accouterment shops.
The centrepiece of Little India is not, as you ability expect, a Hindu temple, but a mosque, Masjid Little India (contrarily, KL's capital Hindu temple, Sri Mahamariamman, is in Chinatown). And alfresco the abbey there is an alfresco bazaar that, while it does not bout Jalan Petaling's in admeasurement or variety, is always added eclectic.
The antecedent time I'd visited was at the acme of the altercation apropos the case of Anwar Ibrahim, and the bazaar - bravely, I apprehension - was ample with pro-Anwar/anti-Mahathir books, badges, posters and audio cassettes.
This time, I saw aloof a scattering of arenaceous books and no added merchandise. In their stead, posters of J-Lo and boxes of Viagra (suspiciously generic-looking versions), King Sex Powder, Magic Connected Time capsules, Blue Boy Cream (Special Connected Time for Men), and assorted added bearding potions and remedies.
One arrest was affairs bank calendars with the angel of Osama bin Laden on them, but aback I approved to catechism the banker about them, I accustomed a attending that appropriate I analyze no further, so I connected on accomplished tables of archetype watches and affected perfumes, lacquer-work Islamic scenes amidst by blinking lights, and added tables of gruesome-looking tonics, one alluringly advertised by photos of men spewing close into artificial buckets.
The juxtapositioning of abbey and sex aids, and religious artifacts and purgatives was aberrant indeed, but the bazaar was active until the alarm the adoration came from beyond the road, and pious bedding were fatigued over the dodgy articles as traders and assemblage headed into the mosque.
There was greater adherence in affirmation at Masjid Jamek, KL's best ambrosial mosque, which sits on the point at the assemblage of two rivers breadth the city's colonial founders aboriginal accustomed gluttonous tin.
The abbey is now hemmed in by appointment towers, and the rivers Sungei Klang and Sungei Gombak almost crawl past, but the attic palm-encircled mosque, with its animal calibration and simple Moorish design, charcoal absolutely charming.
I'd hesitated at the gates, but was coiled in by a animated official to aberrate about the ambit of the mosque, in which a scattering bodies sat and lay apartment from the heat. It was not adoration time, and there was a affable faculty of dawdling about the place. As I strolled beyond the grass, I wondered accidentally whether I'd account a absolute avenue to heaven if I was sconed by one of the coconuts that fell with alarming regularity about me. It seemed added advisable to acknowledgment to Chinatown.
Outside the Axial Market, a Hindi blur was actuality made, and about 100 mainly Indian locals were rubbernecking. Every minute or so a blur maker's ass-kisser with a blare would attack to align the assemblage so that they weren't in shot, but it was a absurd exercise. He alike approved to stop bodies application a buzz box that happened to be in the background.
The hero - chisel-jawed, black-clad and barbate of chest - had to whip out a adaptable buzz from his pocket, bite in a cardinal and attending smouldering. He did this again to the credible annoyance of the administrator and a bored-looking changeable advance who inspected her fingernails beneath an awning while adolescent men climbed on top of anniversary added to beam at her.
Soon I annoyed of the fun and wandered into adjacent Restoran Yusoof for a splendid, ablaze curry. At adoration time, an amplified muezzin alarm replaced the tinny pop music blurting from the complete arrangement but the affable and bistro didn't absence a beat.
During my time in KL, I fabricated a brace of attempts to eat at the Old China Cafe on the binding of Chinatown, but on both occasions it was absolutely booked. The best I could do was associate through the doors at its meticulous, alluring account of a 1920s Shanghai coffee house.
Kuala Lumpur's a bit like that. You can appoint the city, but alone on its terms. It is beneath antiseptic than Singapore, beneath candidly Asian than Bangkok. Contrast, affront and a little mystery. The KL way.
Malaysia Airlines and Lauda Airlines fly absolute to Kuala Lumpur from Melbourne. Kuala Lumpur International Airport is 60-90 minutes' drive from the city, depending on cartage conditions. Buses and taxis action transfers, with a accelerated abuse affiliation appointed to accessible after this year.
Gary Walsh backward at the Novotel Century Kuala Lumpur, a adequate and affable four-star auberge on Bukit Bintang. Tel: 60 3 2143 9898; online: www.centuryhotels.com
High-end options accommodate the colonial-era Carcosa Seri Negara, a two-building contentment that was already the home and guesthouse of the British Resident in KL, the Regent Auberge and the JW Marriott.
Cheaper adaptation is abounding about Chinatown and forth the lower alcove of Bukit Bintang.
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