Starboard said aftermost anniversary that Olive Garden was actuality careless because servers weren't afraid to the action of accouterment one breadstick per customer, additional an added for the table.
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In the abatement of 1889, aback he was 41 years old, the painter Paul Gauguin was brutally, angrily alone. Famous now for his saturated, about aberrant paintings of action in Tahiti, at the time he was active in Brittany, still two years abroad from his aboriginal appointment to French Polynesia. He was bankrupt and adrift, aggravating to acrylic his way through the devastations of his dying marriage, his bounce by the cliques of the Parisian art establishment, and the precarity of his accord with Vincent van Gogh, who anon afore Christmas had assaulted him with a razor and, afterwards Gauguin’s abandonment that evening, acclimated the aforementioned cast to cut off his own ear.
Gauguin and Van Gogh had a agitated acquaintance, one that served both men bigger in autograph than in person. In their all-encompassing correspondence, Gauguin — originally a agent — artful his behavior about the purpose of art. Impressionism had thundered into the salons, upending classical academism and with it the rubrics by which a painting could be advised a success. Beauty was no best the standard, nor was affectionate representation of a subject; the artisan himself was now allotment of the consideration, advised by the dash of his thoughts and his ability with their artful evocation. Gauguin was addled by this absorption of art as a agent for emotion, a way to characterize not things or people, but their essences.
Despite the promises of the name, it can be a claiming to acquisition absolute olives at Olive Garden
A religious man, he begin abysm in the convenance of art: the brushes and paints, the forms and colors on the canvas, and the beverage and announcement of his own mind. It was from that aftermost point that his confinement sprang. Gauguin’s contemporaries, including Van Gogh, begin it calm — alike useful! — to acrylic from life, apropos to models and altar and scenery. To Gauguin, absolute ascertainment was anathema, a apparatus for overwriting the memories and affections that accomplish a painting worthwhile. He was bent at his accomplice for their weakness, aloof of their disability to see the accuracy in his vision. He corrective it: a garden of anfractuous trees, with primitive, black-clad abstracts in the accomplishments hazily amalgamation with the afterglow landscape. Filling the alpha is a bulk with afire orange bristles and beard, his face — Gauguin’s face — rendered in intricate detail, abounding of action and warmth, attractive to the arena with an announcement of absolute acumen and sorrow.
“There I accept corrective my own portrait,” he wrote of the work. “But it additionally represents the crushing of an ideal, and a affliction that is both all-powerful and human. Jesus is absolutely abandoned; his aggregation are abrogation him, in a ambience as sad as his soul.” Gauguin begin abundant affluence in the adventure of Jesus, and generally corrective himself as the savior. He alleged this painting, which now hangs in the Norton Museum of Art in West Approach Beach, Florida, Le Christ au Jardin des Oliviers, or, Christ in the Garden of Olives.
There are two globally acclaimed olive gardens: Gethsemane, the bracken area Jesus and his aggregation prayed the night afore his betrayal and crucifixion, its affliction corrective by Gauguin and by hundreds of added painters, and the fabulous Tuscan hillside that lends its name to Olive Garden, a massive restaurant alternation with added than 800 locations in North America. The two arise to be unconnected: According to Darden Restaurants, buyer of the Olive Garden chain, the byword is advised to alarm to apperception account of the olive autumn and Tuscan authenticity, not the final, afflicted night of a prophet, aphotic hours spent in prayer, wrath, and silence.
Despite the promises of the name, it can be a claiming to acquisition absolute olives at Olive Garden. The blank is intentional, admitting the irony is not. It's a simple bulk of marketing: Bodies don't like olives. They don't apperceive what to do with them. They appearance up occasionally on the menu; their best contempo engagement, on a “Mediterranean flatbread,” seems to no best be available, allotment of an ceaseless alternation of olive-adorned dishes that accept languished, unordered and unloved, afore actuality accomplished by beneath culinarily advancing options like Meatball Stuffed Pizza Fritta.
Still, there are two places you'll consistently acquisition olives at Olive Garden, no bulk which way the agenda consultants acknowledge that the wind is blowing: The bar, area blooming spheroids wait, limply piled, to be apprenticed into account for a martini, and in the bloom bowls. Two atramentous olives — absolutely two — are declared to be in every family-size bowl, admitting aback I was at an Olive Garden in Michigan City, Indiana, my server accepted that about bisected her tables ask for them to be kept out, or artlessly leave them on the side.
She was a little afraid aback I asked area all the olives were — she said it’s usually the middle-aged men who cast that antic at her, which maybe I should accept apparent coming. According to her, they all adjustment the Bout of Italy, a three-way adornment of lasagna, craven parm, and fettuccine alfredo. No one absolutely wants to eat any olives. The added antic she gets, usually from the aforementioned array of men, is “Where’s the garden?” No one absolutely wants to see a garden, they aloof appetite to accomplish the appealing waitress blush.
This was the third Olive Garden I’d been to in two weeks, and in the weeks to appear I’d eat at bisected a dozen added — a admirable bout of Tours of Italy, a alternation of chains addition from New York to California. The cast is in the average of a admirable reimagining, an afterlight of its hundreds of stores, that will allocate with its asphalt and faux-stucco and affably middlebrow upholstery in favor of a added streamlined, analgesic artful of white walls, aphotic wood, and colorblocking. It’s a massive adventure — not all locations are transforming at already — so while some restaurants I went to accept entered the chain’s bright future, abounding were still the Olive Gardens of the above-mentioned era. In these, you can still acquisition some olives: On the shoulder-height half-walls that carve alveolate dining apartment into sections, sit abridged rows of faux olive trees, abbreviate shoots alpha arenaceous blooming leaves and clusters of aphotic artificial footballs. You can’t eat them, but they admonish you that somewhere, the absolute affair is growing on a absolute tree, and maybe you could.
I feel an acute affection for Olive Garden, which — like the abridgement of olives on its agenda — is by design. The restaurant was congenital for affinity, complete from the foundations to the faux-finished rafters to actualize a faculty of connection, of ambiguous familiarity, to accompany to apperception some half-lost anamnesis of old-world artlessness and ease. Alike if you’ve never been to the Olive Garden before, you’re declared to feel like you have. You apperceive the abutting song that’s action to play. You apperceive how the chairs cycle adjoin the carpet. You apperceive area the bathrooms are. Its artefact is nominally pasta and wine, but what Olive Garden is absolutely affairs is Olive Garden, a allowance of abundance and familiarity, a abode to acknowledgment to over and over.
In that way, it’s aloof like any added alternation restaurant. For any alone mid-range restaurant, acknowledgment barter accept consistently been an accessible majority of the clientele, and chain-wide, it’s overwhelmingly the case: If you’ve been to one Olive Garden, allowance are absolute aerial you’ve been to two or more. If the restaurant is accomplishing it right, though, all the Olive Gardens of your action will becloud calm into one Olive Garden, one host stand, one bar, one catacomb of dining alcoves acquiescently busy in Toscana-lite. Anniversary Olive Garden is a little bit different, but their souls are all the same.
Chain begets chain, or maybe chains are added adequate amid added chains
My own claimed Olive Garden, the one of my childhood, the Olive Garden of which all afterwards visited Olive Gardens are projections, is in Matteson, Illinois, on a curb-edged island in the parking lot of a Quality Inn and Suites aloof off the I-57 interchange, beyond a six-lane artery from the bark of an old arcade mall. It’s bristles afar to the south of area I went to aerial school, in a golf-and-doctors suburb; bristles afar more, and you’re accomplished the bend of Chicago’s exurban sprawl, staring bottomward hundreds of flat, ceaseless afar of blah and soy.
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It’s not a accompaniment that Olive Gardens tend to bounce up abreast highways and arcade malls, aural the apogee of mid-range hotels. Alternation begets chain, or maybe chains are added adequate amid added chains — and in acceptable absorption they account a little discharge in the psychospace of reality, abatement any belt or faculty of place, replacing it with a sanitized, brand-driven bartering hospitality. In city Alkali Lake City or western Massachusetts or on the southern bend of the Chicago suburbs, wherever you see an Olive Garden, you’ll acquisition article like a Quality Inn & Suites nearby. These accretions of bartering activity, bare from geographic or absolute identity, are what the French anthropologist Marc Augé talks about as “non-places.” (He additionally finds non-place in, of all places, Tahiti — accurately as apparent through the eyes of a traveler, addition who is added absorbed in the accomplishment of his self-conception than in the comedy that surrounds him.) What it agency to be a non-place is the aforementioned affair it agency to be a chain: A plural nothingness, a concrete amplitude afterwards an ballast to any absolute area on Earth, or in time, or in any affectionate of airy arc. In its void, it artlessly is.
Despite its amour with the existential abyss, a non-place isn't necessarily a bad affair for a abode to be. It may be bad sometimes, or alike frequently, but it isn’t always. One of the things I adulation about the Olive Garden, the acumen I abide to adulation it, admitting its adhering pasta and its maladaptive, kale-forward acknowledgment to avant-garde aliment culture, is its nowhereness. I adulation that I can airing in the aperture of an Olive Garden in Michigan City, Indiana, and feel like I’m in the aforementioned allowance I admission aback I footfall into an Olive Garden in Queens or Rhode Island or the average of Los Angeles. There is alone one Olive Garden, but it has a thousand doors.
I haven’t been to the Matteson Olive Garden in about two decades, admitting I may accept eaten there added than at any added restaurant in the world. Still, I accept alone fragmented, acoustic memories. The balanced architecture, a centered aperture aperture assimilate a red-lit bar, and carpeted archways arch off to a smoker area to the larboard and nonsmoking to the right. I couldn’t acquaint you what the costly dining chairs looked like, but I can still feel how their auto defied the physics of abrasion with the smoothest, best bright bearings. The bleared billow of the wood-framed berth my parents decidedly loved, in the absolute average of the average section. The plasticky burnish of a aboveboard of tiramisu, formally presented on a ambrosia tray meant to attract us into a final course, and the small, annular accomplishment of the amber block we ordered, an off-menu “special break cake,” which provided ambrosia for our ancestors of bristles for the low bulk of $8, a altogether lie, and the abuse of a agents serenade.
I was an abiding orderer of the fettuccine alfredo, a addiction I kicked already I got old abundant to internalize the barbarism of an colossal changeable body. Admitting about anniversary visits to Olive Garden in the amid years, I didn’t adjustment the bowl afresh for decades — not until a few weeks ago, at an Olive Garden in Glendale, California. I don’t airing about activity like I’m old, but aback I ordered the fettuccine alfredo, maybe I gave abroad a hint, and my acquaintance asked how continued it had been aback I’d aftermost had it. I said the words “20 years” out loud, and about afraid on how far abroad the present turns out to be from the past.
In the beyond of Olive Garden commons that accomplish up my life, one stands out from the abundant adhering accumulation of memory. It took abode alfresco of Madison, Wisconsin, off a bartering band that I vaguely bethink abutting a application pond that was home to an acutely advancing canoeing of ducks. At this meal, two abundant things happened.
The aboriginal is that my admirer alien me to broiled ravioli. This was — and charcoal — the distinct greatest affair Olive Garden has anytime sold. “Toasted” is a delicacy for fried: The breadcrumb-coated squares of pasta are accompanying brittle and chewy, abounding with a agreeable meat adhesive that’s not antithetical to the central of a balmy Jamaican beef patty. You dip them in balmy marinara sauce, which comes in a ramekin on the side.
My admirer and I bankrupt up a few weeks afterwards we aggregate that meal, and aback I abutting entered one of the abounding doors of the absolute and atypical Olive Garden, I capital the broiled ravioli appetizer, but I couldn’t acquisition it on the menu. The broiled ravioli angry out to be a parable: I scanned the name of every bowl on the menu, acquisitive the abutting and the abutting and the abutting would about-face out to be the one I was attractive for, and came up with nothing. Here’s the secret: They were appropriate at the alpha all along. Acquaint your server you appetite to Actualize A Adornment Italiano, the absolute aboriginal affair listed on the menu, which involves selecting two or three items from a set of options, broiled ravioli amid them, listed in the description in circadian roman type. Then accomplish every distinct best the broiled ravioli.
In acceptable concentration, chains account a little discharge in the psychospace of reality, abatement any faculty of place
The additional abundant affair that happened is that as we were leaving, my admirer chock-full at the host angle and asked for a canteen of bloom dressing. The alone affair at Olive Garden that comes abutting to the abundance of the broiled ravioli is the salad: hunks of abstract and half-moons of red onion and the breakable croutons and that anhydrous little airy pepperoncini and those two contractually answerable olives, all decrepit in some affectionate of mysteriously admirable dressing, the alone affair at the accomplished restaurant, including the wine list, that seems to accept any absorption in accuracy or acidity. And it turns out that you can aloof buy bottles of it! To accept in your home! What did we anytime do to deserve such blessings?
I don’t bethink what we ate, besides the broiled ravioli; it didn’t annals as decidedly admirable or decidedly awful. This is how it should be. This is what chains are: a well-paved aisle bottomward the middle, a abode area accessibility for the customer is surpassed alone by accessibility for the seller. Be alert of alternation restaurants that affiance exceptionalism, be alert of promises of bloom or subtlety or sophistication. Aliment at an Olive Garden calibration becomes a commodity; the point of a article is that it is consistently interchangeable.
It had been 20 years aback I’d aftermost had that fettuccine alfredo, which at the time was my absolute admired food. I’m four inches taller now than I was aback I was 15; I alive in a louder, dirtier city; I’ve been to Italy; I’ve spent endless bags of hours bistro in and cerebration about restaurants. I’ve changed, is what I’m saying, so maybe it’s me: The fettuccine alfredo I had in Glendale two weeks ago was awful.
Like so abounding foods that accept been adopted into the American comestible pantheon, alfredo booze has two accompanying forms. There’s the adaptation we’re acclimated to eating, awash in abundant bottle jars or ladled beyond craven cutlets, a adhesive brew of garlic, milk, abundant cream, and the accustomed MSG of age-old adamantine cheese. It can be magnificent, the accurate breeding of gastronomic absurdity: It seems about biologically absurd to appointment such a close absorption of fats and salts and glutamates and not acknowledge with raptures.
Then, there is the absolute thing, an aboriginal compound complete with accurate agent story: a turn-of-the-century Roman restaurateur alleged Alfredo, a admirable wife with a vanishing hunger, a bowl of fettuccine drowning in adulate and parmigiano, tossed and tossed and tossed until adulate and cheese and baptize and air ally in a agleam emulsion, not adulterated by alike a compression of salt, until her appetites returned. It’s the sniffing burden of a assertive brand of comestible sass: “A absolute alfredo doesn’t accept cream.”
I’m an alfredo opportunist, a accommodating apostle for whichever adaptation of the booze is in advanced of me. (Next time addition tells you all that chrism is an abomination, ask them what they anticipate adulate is fabricated from.) But what I was served at Olive Garden defies both my aegis and my memories. On the Olive Garden menu, alfredo booze is both weapon and balm. It comes over pasta, over chicken, over shrimp, over steak, in a standalone ramekin as a dipping sauce, acicular with hot booze and declared to be “angry.” It’s the acumen to adjustment a dish, or it’s the affair that keeps you from antisocial it.
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At least, it’s declared to be. The pasta itself had no faults — it was competent, a nothingness, a minimum-viable-product that may or may not accept been adapted in absolute baptize — but the adhesive whiteness puddled about it was adhesive and gloppy, blubbery afterwards actuality rich, a faintly agreeable nothingness. You could accept acclimated it as a adhesive for potato salad. You could accept caked it over biscuits and alleged it gravy. You could accept patched a aperture in your wall.
The lobster ravioli was alike worse, ambiguous how lobster should never be fishy, in an acutely concentrated way that didn’t accidentally aboveboard up with the about baby bulk of seafood anniversary raviolo independent — but it didn’t matter, because the aberration there belongs to the actuality acclimation lobster ravioli at the Olive Garden. By the aforementioned principle, it’s no abundant accomplishment that the craven parmigiana was good. It had additionally been acceptable at Olive Gardens in Indiana and Times Square. It charge be good. The accomplished affair avalanche afar if it’s not good. You can’t absolutely go amiss with any of their permutations on the angelic leash of carbohydrate, amazon sauce, and cheese, which are all fundamentally the same. The cheese ravioli is the lasagna classico is the absurd mozzarella is the eggplant parm is the (conceptually ludicrous) lasagna fritta. These are the backbones of the menu, the sun about which all added dishes orbit.
When the painting was finished, Gauguin advised Christ in the Garden of Olives to be the best assignment he had anytime created, a active and affectionate announcement of the accuracy of his heart. To a friend, he wrote “It is a sad abstraction, but God knows that anguish is my cord.” To addition friend, in a agenda beatific with a account of the painting, he wrote “I accumulate the account at home,” answer that he had no ambition of anytime sending it to be apparent and sold. “The canvas is not meant to be understood.”
Gaugin did allotment with the assignment eventually, in an 1891 auction that adjourned his aboriginal appointment to Tahiti, area he would afterwards move and abide until his death. The convolute olive copse that accomplish up the painting’s accomplishments — which, because of his conscionable abnegation to acrylic from life, were Gauguin’s own announcement of olive trees, an absent apperception of them, carefully filtered through his memories and miseries and acrimony — appeared afresh in works fabricated during his time in Tahiti, their angled forms repurposed as aerial award and vines. The affinity is decidedly astonishing in Area Do We Appear From? What Are We? Area Are We Going?, a awe-inspiring canvas corrective over 1897 and 1898 that, like Christ in the Garden of Olives afore it, Gauguin advised to be both an apologue for his abstract devastation, and the acme of his artful achievements; he meant to annihilate himself aback the painting was done, but blurred the dosage of arsenic.
The alveolate forms of the olive copse may be why in 1908, bristles years afterwards Gauguin’s closing afterlife in a Tahitian prison, an art adviser confidently (if erroneously) articular Christ in the Garden of Olives as corrective in — and a delineation of — Gauguin’s close refuge, and apprenticed a affluent applicant from Bordeaux to buy it. It’s cryptic whether Gauguin’s absent Mediterranean olive garden was a apprehension of Tahiti, or if his estimation of Tahiti was black by the continued caliginosity of his past. What’s bright is that the copse are not absolutely olive trees, and they’re not absolutely approach trees. They’re article abroad absolutely and they both transcend and attenuate the things they affirmation to be.
The advantageous apparel who run Olive Garden accept tried, abounding times, to breathe new action into their chain, and it consistently backfires spectacularly. They’ve flirted with baby plates, they put kale and polenta on the menu, they afresh started slicing the breadsticks bottomward the average and authoritative sandwiches out of them. Best tables and bar seats accept little humble video screens on which barter can barrage their server for a refill, or pay $1.99 to analysis their trivia ability adjoin added players who allegedly are real, but about absolutely are not. At best locations, the affected olive plants with their arced branches accept already been chucked in the trash, the walls accept been un-stuccoed, and the chairs accept been bare of their alluringly smooth-rolling wheels. By abutting year, they’ll all be gone.
Related video: Olive Garden Pasta Passes Sell Out Immediately (provided by Wochit News)
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Every time Olive Garden tries to activate its image, to move abroad from its cultural role as a punchline for faux actuality and characterless capital food, aggregate collapses. Nobody wants to eat kale at Olive Garden. Nobody wants garlic hummus. We appetite soup and bloom and absolute breadsticks, we appetite amaranthine bowls of pasta with a array of sauces, we appetite behemothic glasses abounding of Coke and tiny wine glasses abounding of plonky reds and fruity whites. Aloof about the alone achievement Olive Garden has anytime pulled that’s been acknowledged — and it’s been a angry success, an astounding, about astonishing one — has been the Pasta Pass. For $100, you can buy a agenda that entitles you to seven weeks of absolute absolute soup, salad, and breadsticks, and absolute amaranthine pasta bowls. Or you could buy it, if you were one of the 22,000 bodies who managed to snatch them up afore they awash out in one second. One. Second. That’s how abundant no one cares if Olive Garden serves kale.
You can’t absolutely go amiss with any of their permutations on the angelic leash of carbohydrate, amazon sauce, and cheese
Darden, the aggregation that owns Olive Garden, is about traded, and in the aftermost two years, the banal has been steadily on the rise. This may be because in 2014, a barrier armamentarium with a cogent pale in the aggregation delivered a 294-page argument analogue all the means Olive Garden was accepting in the way of its own success, including giving abroad too abundant bread, not blame abundant alcohol, and anytime bathrobe the salads.
But I anticipate the absolute assignment isn’t active in a PowerPoint deck, it’s appropriate there in the agrarian success of the Pasta Pass: Olive Garden’s bigger asset is, in fact, that none of the attempts to accomplish it bigger are working. All the stunts and agenda revamps and dining allowance redesigns are met by diners with alienation at best, and absolute abhorrence at worst. Inevitably Darden retreats and regroups, falling aback on the alone affair that anytime anxiously gets bodies in the door: pasta, a lot of it, cheaply, with soup and bloom and breadsticks, and a ambiguous appearance of Italy.
Olive Garden has consistently gone to abundant lengths to affirmation its accurate Italianness, alike in the face of cutting affidavit otherwise. This may accept been altered in the aboriginal ’80s, aback the alternation launched, and America was alone alpha to agitate off our compassionate of the cuisine as a brace of red sauce, red gingham tablecloths, and candles adherent into cobweb chianti bottles. Relaxed barter agreements meant that Americans had easier admission to real-deal articles like extra-virgin olive oil, balsamic vinegar, prosciutto di Parma, and austere Italian cheeses. Marcella Hazan had exploded assimilate the arena in the mid-1970s, with cookbooks that banned to Americanize recipes, techniques, or ingredients; by the time the aboriginal Olive Garden opened in December 1982, Sheila Lukins and Julee Rosso’s The Silver Palate Cookbook had been a delinquent album for about a year, inculcating home cooks in the atypical wonders of pancetta and pesto.
The bounce of red-sauce Italian-American is appropriate there in the name, already you get accomplished all the jokes about the abridgement of olives on the menu. A garden of olives! It’s lush, sun-drenched, alluringly Mediterranean, with whispers of both the alien and the old-world. “Olive Garden,” as a phrase, alone implies Italian aliment — or Italian caricature, black-dressed nonnas and loud ancestors gatherings and the ambiguous applesauce of “hospitaliano” — because it asserts the authority of its affiliation so audibly that it can’t be ignored. Alike in 1986, the chain’s announcement account was in the millions.
Olive Garden’s actuality hard-sell is beneath agitative now, in the age of ubiquitous, regionally 18-carat Italian food. For every acknowledgment of their “culinary institute” in Tuscany, there’s a Reddit AMA from an agent absolutely beatific there, blessed to deflate the bogie account with tales of an off-season auberge and a brace of half-hour affable demos. We can get pesto anywhere now, alike at Subway, and balsamic alkali is so abhorrent that it’s about air-conditioned again. Some 35 years later, in a apple bestrode by Mario Batali and Lidia Bastianich, a adumbration of rosemary or a red wine bake doesn’t go absolutely as far as it acclimated to. But Olive Garden has transcended Olive Garden, the way Gauguin’s olive copse transcended olive trees. It’s the ur-chain, a restaurant whose admirable mediocrity — heightened, not undermined, by the flashes of abundance in the broiled ravioli, the salad, the shockingly adorable soups — is the absolute bolt of its appeal. It’s the accountable of parody, like the MadTV account of a racist, calumniating Italian-American ancestors aggregate to eat appalling food, and it’s immortalized in accomplished art — Chloe Wise’s accession Olive Garden of Eden is a marble block draped in romaine and croutons, lashed with oozy, foolishly animal splatters of Caesar dressing. Olive Garden doesn’t alike serve Caesar salad. But it doesn’t matter.
What affairs is this: Olive Garden is a apparatus of memory. You go to Olive Garden because you’ve consistently gone there. You accompany your accouchement there, and they abound up accepting consistently gone there. It is a restaurant that’s acceptable at some things, a few of them on the menu, added of them about amount and accessibility and a accepted beat altruism for assertive accouchement and arguing couples. It is abnormally acceptable at actuality a non-place. It’s uncannily acceptable at actuality itself: A restaurant that calls on Italy afterwards anytime attractive at Italy, that promises ancestors afterwards community, that is — in its beyond — nowhere, and is bigger for it. Every time it beasts from itself, the aggregate force of anamnesis intervenes, and it returns.
Helen Rosneris over fettucini alfredo for acceptable now.
Julianna Brionis an artisan based in Baltimore.
Edited by the apparition of Paul Gauguin
Copy edited by Rachel P. Kreiter
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