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Apple had their big-ass accident today, in their aboriginal land-spaceship, and in this big-ass accident they had their big-ass announcement: the big-ass iPhone X. That iPhone X (pronounced like MacOS X and not Malcom X) will amount you a non-trivial $999, which is clearly car-money, and not aloof phone-money. So, with this anniversary reached, let’s see what sorts of cars you can get for the amount of an iPhone X.
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Goliath Arcadia Beige Vinyl Flooring - Factory Direct Flooring | Goliath Arcadia Beige Vinyl FlooringNow, $999 can get you a car, no question, but that car is actual acceptable to be abounding of questions. Questions like “What happened to the key?” and “How accept you had this affair with no title?” and “Why does this barf stain aroma so abundant like flea crumb and Vagisil?”
I’ve called a few best options for those of you with about a admirable to draft and a admiration to absorb that money on article of absolute value, the abandon of your own motor-car, and not aloof a way to beam at memes and gifs and porn on a higher-resolution, edge-to-edge OLED screen.
Well, a three-wheeled electric Bangladeshi truck, but it abiding as hell is a motor agent you can drive and booty burden with and drive around, all things you can’t do with your iPhone X, alike with its face-recognition whatever airy dot-sprayer thing.
Look at this thing! Runs and drives fine, anesthetized smog, registered—what is this, a dream? This is way bigger than the Cherokee David actuality drives every day! Can your iPhone X go off road, or backpack a kayak on top? No. No, it can’t.
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Goliath Arcadia Beige Vinyl | Vinyl | Carpetright | Goliath Arcadia Beige Vinyl FlooringThe agent says it’s in actual acceptable shape, and why would they lie? It hasn’t been started in a while, but I’m abiding that aloof agency its well-rested. Plus, you could alive in this one! You cannot alive in an iPhone X. Check and see.
I don’t apperceive if you’ve been befitting clue of air-cooled VW prices, but the canicule of cheap-as-dirt Beetles is continued gone. Alike rustbuckets missing engines are activity for $400 or so—that’s why I anticipate this ‘72 Super isn’t such a bad idea.
The agent seems to aloof charge a coil, and the body’s rough, but aloof about all there. A little assignment and this $800 shitbox could be your admired $3000 shitbox that you drive and love! What can you do to an iPhone X to about quintuple its value, added than wrapping it in cash? Nothing!
Maybe you’re too chic for these added options; maybe you were because an iPhone X for the cachet such an article would admission you. I accept that. That’s why you should additionally accede this Chrysler New Yorker, with a half-vinyl top and so abundant chic it’ll accomplish you feel like a association college.
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Goliath Arcadia Mid Beige Vinyl | Vinyl | Carpetright | Goliath Arcadia Beige Vinyl FlooringIt runs and drives! The A/C doesn’t work, but that’s okay, because you’ll appetite the windows bottomward so you can apprehend everyone’s low whistles of acknowledgment as you drive by. Again, no iPhone will get you that.
Maybe you appetite to be added practical. I get that. That’s fine, because this Mitsubishi Mirage is as applied as it gets—runs, drives, moves, rolls, and doesn’t alike accept such afflicted adornment as a radio to abstract you. Not like an iPhone X, which alone serves to abstract you.
Maybe you appetite freedom. Abandon from routine, abandon from The Man, abandon from roads. This Blazer with colossal tires can accord you that. Alike better, the advanced end is pre-damaged so you don’t alike accept to anguish about that! You can relax, which you won’t do with that new iPhone X, as you affront over it until it gets that aboriginal blemish or crack.
Look at this! A Buick you’ve never alike heard of before, for alone $400! The Lasable—I doubtable the column columnist may accept fabricated a aberration here—I bet it’s absolutely LaSable. That makes added sense.
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Goliath Arcadia Mid Beige Vinyl | Vinyl | Carpetright | Goliath Arcadia Beige Vinyl FlooringI bet this was that attenuate collective activity amid Ford and GM to amalgamate the Buick LeSabre and the Mercury Sable, creating the world’s finest car imaginable. This could be one of a kind, clashing some boring-ass iPhone X.
Okay, this is the alone one that doesn’t absolutely run or drive, but who cares, because this isn’t aloof a car, it’s a accomplished new hobby, pastime, focus, obsession, additional job, and, yes, activity for you! Restore this Hudson and watch your activity change! For, maybe, the better! Beat that, iPhone X, with your fast GPU and fancy-ass camera bullshit!
Really, you accept so abounding options. Anticipate anxiously afore pissing abroad a admirable on article you’re aloof activity to bead in a toilet back you’re drunk, probably.
UPDATE: Somehow, I larboard out a cardinal seven. What the hell is amiss with me?
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