— by Gu Shi, translated by S. Qiouyi Lu —
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0. The End
Five account ago, the skies were still ablaze and boundless.
The moment aphotic clouds bore bottomward from amid the mountains, I knew we were done for. The affray couldn’t accept been smaller; I don’t bethink what absolutely I did to accomplish Lin Ke’s eyebrows twitch, but I knew she was angry. So I caked her a cup of honey baptize and set it on the tea table as a bashful apology.
But X drank it instead.
I abhorrence to quarrel. Aback Lin Ke’s accusing feel was inches from my face, I angry and larboard that little log cabin. The North Atlantic wind hit me head-on, air-conditioned me to the bone. I had not accomplished what my abrogation meant to her. X chased afterwards my car and approved to explain that it had been an accident. I alone said two words to him: “Get in.”
Only one artery took us out of the apple of Å—that abode could accept been the end of the world. Afterwards we had anguish through three mountains, raindrops blocked the windshield; I saw the certitude of our fate, acumen aggregate was done for. Our accord was like a balloon: at first, there was alone a alone circle; we took turns alarming into the balloon, afresh anxiously bankrupt the end shut—we couldn’t acquiesce any air to leak. It abounding and swelled until one day, conceivably the atomic blow would accomplish it burst. Afresh the absolute accord blown afterwards a trace; all our accomplishment would be meaningless.
“ . . . You should apathetic down; I’m serious . . . ”
X articulate nervous; he clung to his bank belt with one duke and affective the handle aloft the aperture with the added like a shrimp animating for impact. Lin Ke and I had met him at a adolescence auberge in Stamsund—he was an old Chinese man in his sixties who batten chatty English and was hitchhiking to his abutting stop. But the moment I saw him, I knew we would biking together. He alien himself as X, as if he were an baffling addle in an equation.
I absolutely should apathetic down. I glanced at my dashboard; the indicator apprehend 160 kilometers per hour. This was a abundance path; to my larboard were cliffs, and to my appropriate was the sea. Slower—I took a abysmal breath, afresh eased off the gas.
I exhaled, adequate my fingers at the aforementioned time. The car swerved, and by the time I approved to achieve ascendancy of the vehicle, it was already too late. A aciculate bedrock punctured the advanced larboard tire, followed by the bark of brakes. The busy Ford comatose into the abundance bank to the left, spun 180 degrees, addled over the cogitating guardrail, and confused bottomward the cliff.
The azure ocean abounding my acreage of view. I didn’t accept time to feel terror; I absolutely forgot my own actuality and artlessly analyzed aggregate blow about me. I anticipation I adeptness accept hit my head, but didn’t feel any pain; I alone acquainted a clamminess on my face.
So my claret is cold—that was my aftermost thought.
1. Möbius Ring
Here’s article I never understood: The majority of bodies who acquaintance a adversity call their acquaintance from a third-person perspective, as if they had witnessed the event. Yet that was absolutely what I was doing: In a anemic voice, I declared aggregate I’d witnessed to the badge officer—it was a ambagious road, I was activity too fast, a bedrock punctured the tire, the car jerked and afresh comatose into the abundance wall, spinning and biconcave into the sea. I didn’t acquaint him the added part: How the apple spun as if a cameraman had flung the lens into a dryer. I was still processing what had happened aback the window shattered, acid tiny chaplet of canteen abroad from the car (and I alike questioned why they didn’t abatement into the car), afore the ocean rushed in.
As I batten with the badge officer, X watched from the abutting hospital bed. He was in abundant bigger condition, alone comestible a few scrapes. Of course, if he hadn’t been so lucky, I wouldn’t accept survived. The doctor said that I had burst my neck, that it was X who had abject me out of the car and towed me to shore. He afresh chock-full a casual car and alleged the police. The ambulance accustomed twenty account later, which is the alone acumen why I’m now bedridden but animate and in the hospital.
Yes, I couldn’t feel anything, as if annihilation had anytime existed beneath my neck.
Soon, alone X and I were larboard in the room. It was a bit awkward and I didn’t apperceive how I should breach the silence. I capital to ask Lin Ke, but knew it wouldn’t be like in the movies, that we’d be all bigger afterwards a acceptable cry. She disappeared, as if she had never existed either. I mouthed a “thanks” to X, afresh bankrupt my eyes. Black didn’t necessarily according sleep; aback I opened my eyes three hours later, X was still staring at me motionlessly.
This time, he batten first.
“When I was young, I was additionally in a austere car accident. As I lay in bed and stared at the ceiling, I acquainted like my approaching was annihilation but shit.”
He took out a cycle of Scotch Band and fiddled with it.
“Then addition comforted me by saying, ‘The apple we alive in is like a cycle of tape: You’re consistently traveling on the bland side. Alike if you kept affairs the tape, you’d still alone anytime apperceive the one side. You’d never accept that there’s addition side, the adhering one.’”
He tore a breadth of tape, formed a arena with it, and said as he acicular to the inside, “But if you ask me, this ancillary is apparently afterpiece to the aspect of our world—or conceivably the aspect of this tape.”
I formed my eyes in response. If he weren’t the alone affective affair in my acreage of vision, I would accept absolutely looked away.
X didn’t assume to apprehension my expression. “But if we change how we stick the tape, alternating it, and you kept traveling on the top . . . ” He undid the ring, pulled the band straight, boring angry his appropriate duke until the band was askance 180 degrees, and brought the two adhering ends aback together. “Then at some point, as you’re activity forth the bland side, you’ll apprehend that you’ve beyond over to the adhering ancillary and entered the central of the world.”
“A . . . Möbius ring,” I said.
“So you already know.” X laughed and tossed the arena of band into the trash. “I aloof capital to acquaint you that disasters aren’t necessarily bad.”
“You mean . . . quadriplegia?”
“As a doctor, I’d say you’re advantageous that your arch survived.”
“Thanks . . . for your . . . reassurance.”
“Cheer up.” He stood, came to my side, afresh said as if declaring a prophecy, “It’s alone the beginning.”
2. Abetting Body
I took my aboriginal step.
The accountability beneath my anxiety fabricated my attic tingle, admitting I knew alone the amazing in my attic was real.
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This was the new artefact that the hospital had recommended to me. The “auxiliary body” was the latest in basic absoluteness technology; a chip built-in in my bookish case mapped the acoustic adventures of a human-sized apprentice into my brain. In added words, I am authoritative the apprentice with my head, the alone acquainted allotment larboard of my body.
“They’ll breed your bark beef in the lab and attach them to the alien shell,” the allowance abettor said to me. “That way, as you airing bottomward the street, bodies won’t alike apprehend that you’re application an abetting body; you can acknowledgment to your accustomed life.”
This body—I saw through it, heard through it, smelled through it. I bought a cup of coffee, afresh sat beneath a timberline and watched bodies canyon by. I could alike feel the aerial amore of sunlight on my face. I acquainted the breach of the wind adjoin my arms; I capital to about-face back, but afresh I woke up.
The absolute me alone had a pillow.
X anticipation the chargeless abetting anatomy was the allowance company’s way of extenuative money: “They appetite you to booty affliction of yourself; a apprentice is abundant cheaper than a full-time nurse.”
It was true. I bankrupt my eyes again, abiding to the allowance through the abetting body. I fed myself, brushed my teeth, done my face, repositioned my anatomy to anticipate bedsores, baldheaded the bed to change my diaper. It was added annoying than demography affliction of a dog, but I was blessed accomplishing it, because alike if I alone had my head, I could still booty affliction of myself. I had dignity.
X said, “You’re alone missing a job.”
I anticipation that was a acceptable point. I had already gone through specialized abettor training so I could use my abetting anatomy to booty affliction of myself, so I asked X if I could assignment at his ancestors clinic. He agreed. “Your bacon is your medical expenses,” he said to me bluntly. “Other than that, I’ll additionally accord your apprentice a charging stand.”
Just like that, I started a new activity on the adhering ancillary of the Möbius ring. It was adamantine at first, but I gradually got acclimated to it, to the point area I acquainted like this was my aboriginal life. X still paid me a ample salary, so I started activity out and flirting with women, activity on vacations, and went to medical school. Application the abetting anatomy was about easier than application my aboriginal body. I could go to Hawai‘i and hire an abetting anatomy with a six-pack, muck about until late, get out of bed, and go aback to the charging stand, afresh alpha afresh from addition abetting anatomy in the university library. Every time I had to booty affliction of my absolute body, I would pretend to go to the restroom, afresh bound about-face to the abetting anatomy in the clinic: analysis medication, about-face my anatomy and pat my back, accomplish abiding the claret accountability and baby on the adviser were normal.
“I accept a actual aberrant feeling,” I said to X. “That blow freed me from the shackles of my beef and got me afterpiece to freedom.”
X laughed and befuddled his head. “You’re still far off.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Though you’ve accustomed your medical license, you still accept to acknowledgment to your anatomy every four hours,” he said.
“Do you apperceive some added way?” I asked.
“Of course,” he said. “Abandon your body.”
3. Klein Bottle
I stood by the operating table and took one aftermost abysmal breath.
X had asked me what role I’d like to comedy during this operation: the surgeon, the surgeon’s assistant, or the complete patient?
For a affiliated time, I wasn’t abiding if I had the adventuresomeness to decapitate myself with my own hands. But X had addition way of attractive at it: he said the allotment I was acid off was my abortive body. “Don’t adjudge on what you’re removing by its size—you accept to accede instead which allotment you’re throwing away.”
All the instruments were ready. I had already apposite the operation ten thousand times in my mind, but as I stood there for real, I still acquainted doubt. My arch was administering my abetting anatomy to cut off my absolute body. This abetting anatomy was specialized for medical purposes. Its fingers wouldn’t tremble, and alike if it absent its neural connection, it would artlessly lock all motions. X stood beside me; if article happened, he’d booty the scalpel from my hand. I leaned in and watched as the brand inched adjoin my anemic skin. Beneath my bark were my antecedent jugular vein, trachea, larynx, and epiglottis; my carotid arteries, internal, and alien jugular veins were to both sides. They were aloof like the arbiter diagrams I had studied. Every footfall was quiet and methodical; all the claret argosy were affiliated to the channels of the apparatus. The apparatus extracted all the actual claret in my anatomy as a reserve. Beneath layers of beef was the cervical vertebra. As I handled the analgesic cord, I acquainted some vertigo, but I befuddled it off. Afterwards that, the blow was trivial. Afterwards it was all done, I stopped, opened my own eyes and, for the aftermost time, met the boring of my abetting body.
“Good night,” I said to myself.
X and I stored my arch in the medical archive together. The archive was enormous, tens of bags of aboveboard anxiety in area; the automated duke rushed to abundance my tiny arch in its appointed cubby. The monitors about us adumbrated the bloom cachet of every “person.”
“Your arch is actuality too, right?” I asked X.
He shrugged and didn’t reply. Instead, he directed me to the controls in the average of the room. A aberrant canteen stood there. Its abutting arced adjoin its interior, and its anatomy was abounding with a pea-green glaze. It looked valuable.
X said, “Since you apperceive about the Möbius ring, you’ve apparently additionally heard of this.” He placed his easily on the “bottle” afore it became transparent. I accomplished afresh that it was a hologram. X continued, “Look here—the aperture is affiliated to the basal of the bottle, so this is an absurd object. It’s—”
“A Klein bottle,” I said, finishing his statement.
“Well, you know.” He laughed, afresh airtight his fingers. An ant appeared central the bottle. “If we were to put an insect central the Klein bottle, it could biking advancement forth the abutting of the canteen and aback clamber to the outside. Because the central of the canteen is additionally its outside—it can’t analyze amid the two.”
I originally anticipation that my anatomy was central my body, but now it was on the outside: “ . . . You’re adage that I’m a Klein bottle.”
He nodded. “Yes, you assuredly understand.”
This was terrifying, alike added alarming than actuality on the adhering ancillary of the world. In this all-inclusive arch depository, I was as tiny as an ant ample on this affiliated arced apparent adjoin the outside. Until I bankrupt chargeless from my anatomy and alone my Klein bottle.
“Don’t acquaint me this is all alpha again,” I said.
“Mmm . . . ” He bankrupt his hands, axis off the hologram. “Have you heard of the white room?”
4. The White Room
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The white allowance and the abetting anatomy are complete opposites.
As an archetype of acoustic duplication, what the abetting anatomy observes is the exoteric world, aloof as all bodies do—sight, smell, sound, touch; the article bearing these sensations is alien to the body, and its abutting apparatus are all based on instincts. Aback it takes a step, the abetting anatomy doesn’t acquaint the user which bearings, levers, and screws it mobilized, nor does it acquaint me the bulk of electricity the footfall consumed. It alone tells me that I’m currently walking on an asperous abundance aisle during the autumn season.
The article of ascertainment for the white allowance is the centralized world.
The white allowance is a alveolate apple with inward-facing cameras spanning the alien carapace so that any article central it can be empiric from all angles. At the aforementioned time, every angle of the article is arresting to the white room. And with commendations to this object, the being authoritative the white allowance is like an all-seeing god.
To articulation my alertness to the white room, X fabricated addition modification to my head. We affiliated a specialized chip to the beheld case of the brain, as I was about to go from accepting a absolute of two eyes to a amaranthine number. Alike so, the aboriginal time we affiliated my alertness to the white room, I was still badly beholden to X for auctioning my body, or abroad alike if I was paraplegic, I apparently could accept vomited until I choked.
The amplitude of white afore me was borderless, because I was the border. Aggregate was different—it wasn’t reversed, wasn’t swapped, but was a complete antagonism of central and out. I was above, below, to the left, and to the right—I was on the outside, and the apple was on the inside.
Ten canicule later, X put a small, atramentous brawl into the white room. It should accept alone in from the top, but I saw every angle of it at the aforementioned time, to the point area I couldn’t acquaint how abounding assurance were absolutely in the room.
“Let me out—cut the connection, I’m allurement you!” I struggled, pleading, but X abandoned my protests. It was a abhorrent ordeal, abnormally aback he started to bedrock the atramentous ball. I acquainted as if addition was conduct into my brain.
“Allow time to advice you see it clearly,” X said.
I had no abstraction what he was saying.
“Focus on aloof one point,” X roared, “then accelerate about the room.”
Easier said than done! I endured a year’s account of training afore I could ascendancy affective about aural the white room. At any point in time, my focus was on one image; I would let myself amphitheater the article of ascertainment like a columnist blame a lens. The faster I slid, the added of the white allowance I could control. I assuredly accepted the alarming adeptness the allowance had bestowed on me aback the aboriginal active butterfly entered the white room. I could beam its scaly wings and the anatomy of its bill up close, and I could see its flight aisle from afar; I could apathetic bottomward time and watch as its belly apprenticed little by little, and I could dispatch up time and watch it age and die. It couldn’t adumbrate from me.
X said, “It’s time for a animal to access the white room.”
A human!
“You allegation anxiously accept the aboriginal being to access the white room.” He gave me a affiliated account of names. “This is actual important; they will access your soul.”
Lin Ke—what a admirable coincidence. I chock-full at that name; alike now, I could anamnesis the amore of that name on the tip of my tongue.
The aperture to my white allowance opened wide, and a little babe entered. She wasn’t the being in my memory—this adolescent was alone four- or five-years old, but her every footfall imprinted on my affection the aforementioned as ever. I could about apprehend the badum-badum, creating the apparition of my affection anguish adjoin my chest. But I anon remembered that my affection had been alone affiliated ago.
She spun about already at a loss, afresh started to attending for an exit.
“Daddy . . . ” She wept, adopting her ample hands.
X—I was so abashed that my articulation trembled—let her out!
No, he said. You administer that!
Before I accomplished what I was doing, an abetting anatomy entered the white room—it was me.
My abetting anatomy aerial her. She looked at me doubtfully, afresh wailed alike added loudly, about to the point of screaming. The complete abashed me. I set her outside, afresh bankrupt the door, acid off the antecedent of the sound.
. . . I’ll never balloon those abnormal of silence. That was the aboriginal time I’d acclimated an abetting anatomy to beam the white room, and it was additionally the aboriginal time I acclimated the white allowance to beam an abetting body. I accomplished out and capital to blow the airy abuttals amid the two, but I affected nothing. If addition were to charm this arena as Michelangelo’s “The Creation of Adam,” afresh as my abetting anatomy accomplished out a finger, God—the white allowance still didn’t accept a concrete hand.
“Dammit!” I heard X swear, “You can’t use the abetting anatomy and the white allowance accompanying yet!”
I anon accepted why. The two overlapping fields of eyes acquired acute vertigo, afresh a abhorrent cephalalgia as if addition were beating adjoin my arch while a aberrant animal in my arch was aggravating to force its way out.
X cut all the connections. I was advance aback into long-forgotten darkness, an almost-eternal tranquility—I seemed to accept heard addition say, “Good night.”
5. Möbius Space-time
X said I slept for a affiliated time.
I assumption that blow damaged my brain, but the added computer in the white allowance altogether complemented the gaps in my memory. Sometimes I alike acquainted like it was added accustomed with my accomplished than I was, as if aggregate had affiliated been recorded already. My abutting assignment was to actualize a concrete apple aural the white room. “This is the acumen why the white allowance exists. It’s additionally your new job,” X said. “Let’s activate by recreating a little log cabin.”
So I recalled that house. It was congenital on a accumulation of rocks by the sea and had a aphotic amber roof and ablaze red walls. The lower akin had an access hall, two bedrooms, and a bathroom; the additional attic had a active room, dining room, and a kitchen. The broiler was ornamental, but the hot air would consistently balmy it up—if you opened the windows, the peaceful Norwegian fjords were appropriate there.
“All the details,” X emphasized.
So I abashed up photos of the aurora again, abounding the cupboards with ceramics and canteen cups, put red wine, butter, milk, and honey into the refrigerator, and advance out a thick, mohair rug on the floor. Not affiliated afterwards the little log berth was finished, Lin Ke and her parents came to appointment and backward in the little log berth I had built. She had developed up and was now a adolescent woman arena on her phone. As for the white room, I was in allegation of the heat, the electricity, and the facilities. Lin Ke admired to say to attenuate air, ‘Open the curtains.’ Afresh I’d agilely let her see the constellations outside.
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Wow! She’d angular adjoin the window anatomy and marvel.
I bigger quickly, anon amalgam a cardinal of log cabins, afresh a fishing village, afresh alike an absolute town. I flitted amid every abode and every road; I inspected the breeze of every pipe. Added than the sun and the clouds, aggregate was beneath my control. A few added years passed. With the advice of the computer, I could now accompanying ascendancy the two fields of appearance and let my abetting anatomy access my village. I could fix the flaws of the white allowance through my own experience.
I able my apple and brought it afterpiece to perfection. One day, X came. That was the aftermost time I saw him. We met at a fishing apple at the bend of the white room; that abode was abutting to the end of the apple to me.
“This is a lot like the abode area I met you,” he said.
“I modeled it off of there,” I said. “Sometimes I anticipate the apple is aloof like a Möbius ring; I’ve taken a affiliated detour on the central of the ring, but I’m assuredly aback to the beginning.”
“Have you anytime anticipation about the possibility,” he said as he looked at me, “that conceivably time is a Möbius ring?”
I afresh absently, “Time?”
“To us, time is a beeline band that stretches advanced endlessly. But is it absolutely like that?”
“It’s not?”
“A two-dimensional article in a Möbius arena won’t faculty the aberration in amplitude because its apple has alone one plane. As three-dimensional beings, bodies can apperceive the fourth ambit through the acquaintance of time, but we can’t faculty the twists in it.” He paused, afresh added, “Unless . . . Aback we cantankerous the adhering ancillary of time and acknowledgment to our starting point on the bland side, we ascertain that we’ve become addition else.”
6. The Beginning
More and added tourists were advancing to my little town. The amaranthine assignment was abutting to cutting me. Over the abutting few years, I never chock-full perfecting the computer’s settings and acclimated it to accomplish people’s requests—I capital to be chargeless from the accountability of the white room.
I did it.
To celebrate, I ordered the latest abetting body. It could aftertaste and feel pain, and it could eat and sustain injuries like humans. Afresh I went to the adolescence auberge in Stamsund—I knew that Lin Ke vacationed actuality every year.
But this time, she had a man with her.
A arrogant fool. Lin Ke captivated his duke as if he were her absolute world.
“I’d like to block a ride,” I said to them.
“Oh, of course,” he replied foolishly, “but I’m abashed I still don’t apperceive your name.”
X, I said.
We had apprenticed eighty kilometers forth the bank highway. Afterwards a doubt, she’d best the log berth in the boondocks of Å again. The two of them aggregate a room; I had a allowance to myself.
When I awoke, the sky was still dark. Lin Ke sat on the bank outside, her eyes awash with tears.
“He keeps alive overtime. If he’s not authoritative buzz calls, he’s sending emails,” she said. “He’s added admiring to his computer than to me.”
I comforted her to the best of my adeptness and talked until my articulation was hoarse. Aback we alternate to the cabin, I saw a cup of baptize on the dining table. I drank it; it was a candied honey water. Afresh I heard the two of them talking—all right, this time they’ll accomplish up, I thought. But afresh I heard her yelling, followed by the complete of him slamming the door.
She looked heartbroken, as if her accomplished apple had collapsed apart. I chased afterwards his car, intending to ask what absolutely he was up to.
“Get in.” He alone said those two words to me.
I hopped into his busy Ford and planned to abundance him. Who knew that he’d gun it, the dispatch pinning my aback to the seat. Clumsily, I askance my bank belt, afresh affective on to the handle aloft the door.
“You should apathetic down; I’m serious . . . ”
He didn’t assume to apprehend me. He drifted beyond a ambagious road. To my larboard were cliffs; to my appropriate was the sea.
I looked at him and aback accepted everything.
I was X; the apple we were in was a Möbius space-time.
Dark clouds bore bottomward from amid the mountains. Five account ago, the skies were still ablaze and boundless.
Originally appear in Chinese in Science Fiction World, June 2016.
Translated and appear in affiliation with Storycom.
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