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Last week, an amazing blog column by a man alleged James Pinkstone broadcast on amusing media. In it, Pinkstone claimed that he had absent 20 years’ annual of music files as a aftereffect of signing up for Apple Music; as he explained it, the annual had hoovered up the accumulating of MP3 and WAV files he had been befitting in his iTunes library and replaced them with alive versions that lived in an Apple-owned cloud. The aboriginal files, as Pinkstone accepted it, had been deleted off his computer in the process. To his surprise, aback he alleged Apple Support to acquisition out what happened and how to fix it, he was told that this was absolutely how Apple Music—the company’s year-old alive service—was declared to work.

Leon Neyfakh is a Slate agents writer.

These were advancing allegations—especially if, like me, you had afresh active up for Apple Music for the aboriginal time so you could accept to the new Drake anthology as aboriginal as possible. It was decidedly awkward that a lot of the songs Apple Music had allegedly removed from Pinkstone’s adamantine drive weren’t appropriately replaced. For example, instead of a rare, aboriginal adaptation of a Fountains of Wayne song that Pinkstone had at some point downloaded or ripped to his computer as an MP3, Apple had acquainted in a beneath distinctive, added broadly attainable adaptation of the song.

Hold up, I anticipation to myself: Did this beggarly that anyone who downloaded the early, leaked adaptation of Drake’s “Controlla,” which featured a fun bedfellow actualization by Jamaican dancehall artisan Popcaan, was activity to deathwatch up one morning and acquisition that Apple Music had switched it out for the official, Popcaan-less anthology version?

Pinkstone’s blog column abounding me with commissioned agitation and rage. Actuality was yet accession acumen to abhorrence Apple’s music software—something I’d been accomplishing for years, with iTunes as the primary antecedent of my discontent. To date, that depression had been fueled by the absolute ataxia in which iTunes had larboard my agenda music library. If what Pinkstone was adage was true, it seemed absolutely attainable that Apple Music had already started laying annoy to what charcoal still remained of my once-organized, once-glorious music collection.

It was not consistently this way. There was a time aback iTunes was fine. For a while it alike acquainted like a footfall up from Winamp, the affected bit of freeware that I and millions of others installed aback back we were application Napster and Audiogalaxy to download music by the truckload. But the digitally encoded amusement didn’t last: With the barrage of the iTunes abundance and the phasing out of the iPod in favor of the iPhone, iTunes became the assertive command centermost for managing all kinds of data, not aloof “tunes” but photos, podcasts, apps, TV shows, and more. As Farhad Manjoo wrote in Slate in 2012, in a allotment blue-blooded “Won’t Someone Booty iTunes Out Aback and Shoot It?” the software had become a aggrandized monster that wasn’t acceptable at accomplishing any of the things that Apple was banishment it to do.

At some point amid afresh and now, iTunes became a absolute atramentous aperture to me. I chock-full compassionate what it did aback I downloaded a song and base it into my library. I didn’t get how it accompanying to Apple Music, or what role iCloud played in managing my data. Aloft all I couldn’t get my arch about syncing—the abstruse and maddening action I had to go through whenever I capital to put specific songs on my iPhone.

How did I become the agnate of the guy who, in a antecedent era, endemic eight CDs, one of which was No Way Out by Puff Daddy?

None of it fabricated faculty to me, and aback I anticipation for too continued about the appulse iTunes was accepting on the arrangement and anatomy of my music consumption, I was affected with a absinthian faculty of loss.

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I acclimated to adulation accession music. It was a fun, advancing action that played out over years, and it provided me with an ever-growing time abridged of my taste. Alike afterwards I chock-full affairs CDs—I had accumulated a big, appreciative shelf of them by the time I larboard for college—I advised my MP3s as my claimed property, and I fabricated a point of owning albums and songs that I admired and capital to bethink for years to come. Not to get too High Fidelity here, but my activity was richer for accepting this collection; in accession to reminding me of songs I adeptness accept contrarily alone and giving me attainable admission to them, it was a almanac of who I was.

Reading Pinkstone’s blog column reminded me how abundant added burst and beneath advised my music-listening activity has become in the age of iTunes. Instead of accepting a accumulating that I affliction for and body over time, I accept what amounts to a accidental accumulation of files advance beyond my assorted devices. These canicule aback I appetite to accept to music, I consistently aloof put on either a alive playlist that’s been curated for me by somebody else, or whichever big anthology happened to arise out best recently, be it Kanye West’s The Activity of Pablo or Rihanna’s ANTI.

How did this arise to me? How did I become the agnate of the guy who, in a antecedent era, endemic eight CDs, one of which was No Way Out by Puff Daddy and two of which were the Beatles’ greatest hits?

Part of the change can be attributed to my age, obviously: Bodies who are 31 about accept beneath activity for cultivating their agreeable aftertaste than they did aback they were younger. Accession allotment can be chalked up to the acceleration of alive audio in general: One could altercate that my “collection” now consists of aggregate that exists on Apple Music and Spotify, which I’ve subscribed to back its U.S. barrage in 2011.

Nevertheless I accept that Apple—and iTunes in particular—shoulders added albatross than annihilation abroad for how my alert habits accept changed.

At the basis of the botheration is that the iTunes interface is now advised aboriginal and foremost to seamlessly accommodate with added Apple products. For aces reasons, Apple has fabricated it acutely attainable to accept to songs you’ve paid the aggregation to accept to, whether you’re a subscriber to its alive annual or a chump in its online store. Aback I bought the Shamir anthology Ratchet from iTunes the day it came out, it automatically downloaded to my phone, my laptop, and my assignment computer. In the year since, I accept never had any agitation alert to it, and by advantage of accepting it in all my iTunes libraries—the one at home, the one at work, and the one in my pocket—it absolutely feels like I own it.

I can’t say the above for a lot of added music I love, which exists on my accessories in a accompaniment of base anarchy for the simple acumen that it’s not allotment of the Apple ecosystem. The acclaimed 2013 anthology Acid Rap by Chance the Rapper, for instance, is alone attainable as a chargeless download from mixtape websites; because I didn’t buy it from the iTunes abundance and cannot beck it from Apple Music, it doesn’t automatically appearance up in my agenda library and I accordingly hardly anticipate to put it on. Ditto the accession of archetypal but never-officially-released diss advance by Eminem that appeared online amid 2002 and 2003, and rarities like the alone Julian Casablancas audience for the Strokes’ “You Alone Live Once,” which appeared on the soundtrack for Somewhere.

A absolutely claimed music accumulating is accordingly activity to be abounding of such allowance and ends. But while I’ve endemic all the being listed aloft at assorted credibility in my life, I don’t accept it all in one place, because iTunes has fabricated it abutting to absurd to do so. At a time aback artists accept become added acceptable about administration devious actual with their admirers through the internet but never authoritative it attainable for sale, I accept absent the adeptness to accumulate clue of annihilation that’s not clearly sanctioned.

How I got here, I’m not absolutely sure, except that on added than one occasion, I’ve had some affectionate of syncing botheration while aggravating to alteration article to my iPhone, or aggravating to annul photos or podcasts or movies in adjustment to chargeless up space. Whatever it was I was attempting to do, I charge accept called the amiss settings or arrested the amiss boxes or hit the amiss buttons while accomplishing it; all I apperceive is that Apple has afresh wiped my agenda accumulating apple-pie of all the songs I anytime downloaded, except for the ones I had purchased anon from the iTunes store.

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That’s how I bethink it, anyway. The accuracy is I am a helplessly capricious narrator in this story, because whenever I use iTunes, I acquisition that I accept absolutely no abstraction what’s activity on, or what the after-effects of my accomplishments will be. So while I can’t absolutely be abiding how my music accumulating was decimated, I can say that I went from accepting a ton of MP3s—many of them downloaded from blogs or anon from artists—to aloof accepting the above Ratchet, Watch the Throne by Kanye West and Jay Z, and a scattering of added basically accidental albums and songs that I happened to buy from the iTunes store.

On a basal level, I don’t accept a music accumulating anymore because Apple fabricated it too adamantine and arresting to advance one.

It’s my fault, obviously. If I were bigger at computers or maybe aloof added accomplished at interpreting the cryptic accent that populates Apple’s chat boxes, my activity would apparently be different. On the added hand, it’s antic that a software apartment from one of the world’s best acknowledged companies is such a minefield, or that the accomplish appropriate to move files from one of my Apple accessories to accession has the abeyant to rob me of aggregate I own. It doesn’t accomplish faculty that anybody I apperceive who still uses iTunes despises it, and that abounding people, including me, accept alone it in favor of alive because managing their libraries became too abundant of a chore.

In my case it happened gradually and chaotically: Admitting I do still occasionally seek out mixtapes and devious leaks anon from the web, I’ve mostly aloof chock-full alert to music that’s not attainable on Spotify. On a basal level, I don’t accept a music accumulating anymore because Apple fabricated it too adamantine and arresting to advance one. And admitting I absolutely deserve some of the accusation myself, I can’t advice but feel that iTunes has baffled out of me impulses I already cherished, like absent to download every new mixtape by Lil’ Wayne as anon as it came out, or activity accountable to own every Smashing Pumpkins album, alike admitting it’s been years back I capital to accept to them. By authoritative it so difficult to administer my agenda music library, iTunes has alike bankrupt me off to assertive artists I’m assured I would accept contrarily loved—for instance, Lil’ B, the ultraprolific rapper who has put out bags of songs that aren’t attainable on any alive annual and can’t be bought from the iTunes store.

I’m not adage it’s rational; acutely I could accept to Lil’ B if I absolutely capital to. And yet the consistently demanding acquaintance of application Apple’s software to acquire, organize, and admission my music has attenuated the faculty of buying and identification I already acquainted against it. In so accomplishing the aggregation has angry off a allotment of me that I miss.

After I apprehend the alarming blog column about Apple Music on Thursday, I absitively abundant was enough. I was activity to amount out how to use iTunes and Apple Music if it dead me.

It about did. To wit, here’s me afterwards 30 annual on the buzz with an Apple technical-support being who approved her best to advance me out of the darkness:

Leon Neyfakh

Those are hives all over my face, article that usually alone happens to me in times of acutely demanding uncertainty. Reading over my addendum from the call, I can’t say I’m afraid that this was my body’s reaction, and I absolutely can’t say I came abroad from the chat with a bigger compassionate of what adeptness accept happened to James Pinkstone’s music collection.

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Ultimately I did accomplish some clarity, acknowledgment about absolutely to an Apple Music able named, appropriately enough, Serenity Caldwell. Caldwell is the managing editor of iMore, an Apple annual site, and the co-author of a accomplished book about Apple Music; I begin my way to her because of a blog column she wrote about Pinkstone’s botheration in which she stated, flatly, that the affair he was admonishing his readers about couldn’t possibly accept happened the way he had declared it.

What Caldwell fabricated me apprehend over the advance of a half-dozen acutely accommodating emails is that Apple Music represents a clumsy and ambiguous attack to becloud the band amid “owning” a song and alone alive it. As Caldwell explained it, the app is advised to booty the songs you accept on your assorted accessories and actualize backups of them that you can afresh beck from your own claimed cloud.

This is declared to assignment alike with songs that aren’t attainable on Apple Music: If I appetite to accept to Chance the Rapper’s Acid Rap on my iPhone alike admitting the aboriginal files alone abide on one of my computers, Apple will accomplish a archetype of the songs and abode them in the cloud. The problem, as I now accept it, is that whenever possible, Apple prefers not to do this—that, ideally, it wants to serve you songs anon from its Apple Music library. This agency that if I’ve downloaded Drake’s Views on my assignment computer in the anatomy of MP3s and appetite to accept to it from my iPhone on my airing home, the app will accommodate me with a beck of the Apple Music adaptation of the anthology instead of extenuative the MP3s to my billow and confined me those.

Unfortunately, this sometimes after-effects in mix-ups: In the case of that Fountains of Wayne audience that Pinkstone wrote about, it’s acceptable that Apple afield articular it as the adaptation of the song it had in its alive library, and played that instead of the adaptation Pinkstone absolutely wanted. This is why I’m afraid about accident that Popcaan-assisted adaptation of Drake’s “Controlla” that’s on my adamantine drive: Pinkstone’s acquaintance suggests that iTunes adeptness anticipate the book is the above as the clearly arise adaptation of “Controlla,” and serve me that as if I won’t apperceive the difference.

But did Pinkstone’s music absolutely get deleted, as he claimed? Caldwell said she was abashed by this, but offered a attainable explanation: One affair Apple Music allows you to do, she said, is annul a song from your adamantine drive absolutely and still accept to it on all your accessories as a cloud-based stream. The ambush is this alone works as continued as you are a advantageous Apple Music subscriber; if you abolish your account, the beck will cease to be accessible, and unless you accept your aboriginal book backed up somewhere, you lose it forever. To its abundant discredit, iTunes makes it actual attainable to annul a song off your adamantine drive afterwards acceptation to: Not alone are the billow icons that arise abutting to anniversary song absolutely blurred and confusing, it’s attainable that a song you’ve deleted will abide to appearance up in your library, but never accord you any bright adumbration that it’s alone a beck as against to a bounded file.

Maybe that’s what happened to Pinkstone. It’s adamantine to say based on his blog post, and he didn’t acknowledge to an email gluttonous clarification. Regardless, it’s bright to me that Apple Music is not advised to annul my music and alter it with anything; what it’s advised to do is annihilate the charge for me to consistently be syncing my accessories with anniversary other. In accomplishing so, Apple Music seems to be captivation out the affiance of already afresh absolution me accumulate all my allowance and ends in one place.

Now that I’ve captivated my apperception about all this and my hives accept subsided, it seems attainable to me that I can accouter Apple Music’s functionality to absolutely clean that absent accumulating of mine. It’ll crave some accepting acclimated to, certainly—there’s article acutely counterintuitive to me about the actuality that my accessories are all activity to accommodate some songs that are stored locally and some that alone abide as streams—but it’s agitative to anticipate that I adeptness already afresh accept the will to alpha architecture up a music library.

It sounds perfect, really. But then, so did iTunes. With affliction to Apple, I’ll accept it aback I see it. Till then, I’m activity to accumulate nervously blockage to accomplish abiding my adaptation of “Controlla” still has Popcaan on it.

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