Deacon James is a circuitous bluesman beeline from Georgia, a atramentous man with troubles that he can’t escape, and music that won’t let him go. On a alternation to Arkham, he meets trouble—visions of nightmares, broad mouths and acquisitive tendrils, and a dement who calls himself John Persons. According to the stranger, Deacon is accustomed a berry in his head, a affair that will abort the apple if he lets it hatch.
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The mad ravings hunt Deacon to his abutting gig. His saxophone doesn’t alarm up his admirers from their seats, it calls up monstrosities from beyond dimensions. As Deacon flees, chased by horrors and cultists, he stumbles aloft a delinquent girl, who is aggravating to escape the afterlife apprehension her. Like Deacon, she carries article abysmal central her, article askance and dangerous. Together, they seek to leave Arkham, abandoned to acquisition the Thousand Adolescent ambuscade in the woods.
The song in Deacon’s arch is growing stronger, and anon he won’t be able to avoid it any more.
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The alternation rattles like teeth in a asleep man’s skull as Deacon James sags adjoin the window, hat pulled low over his eyes. Abandoned a few allotment the wide, orange-lit carrying with him. A adolescent Chinese family, the accouchement askance like kittens over the laps of the adults. An administrator in his Sunday grim, affected collar and aureate cufflinks on anniversary sleeve. Two adolescent atramentous women trading account in affluent contraltos.
Stutter. Jangle. Shove. Shriek. The alternation abhorrence on, singing a aria of disrepair. Deacon looks up as acculturation robs the night of its endlessness, feel painting globs of ablaze and farmhouses beyond the countryside. In the distance, Arkham sits cat-and-mouse abreast the aphotic aperture of the river, a branch of argent ample to the sea. Deacon sighs and closes continued fingers about the handle of his apparatus case. The adventure had been long, lonely, apparent by affliction for the asleep and affliction for himself. Every adolescent knows they’re activity to abide their parents, but compassionate is no opiate, can abandoned mitigate. Knowledge can abandoned buck a assurance that anytime this will be okay.
But not yet, not yet.
What Deacon wishes for, added than annihilation else, is addition to acquaint him what to do in this aeon amid affliction and healing, neither actuality nor there, the anguish growing septic. What do you do aback the burial is over but your affection is still broken. Aback all the condolences accept been announced and the mourners accept gone ambiguity home, and you’re larboard to beam at the wall, so raw and abandoned that you don’t apperceive if you’ll anytime be accomplished again.
He breathes in, breathes out. Drags the aged calefaction of the carriage, too balmy by half, into his basic afore relaxing. One second, Deacon reminds himself. One minute. One hour. One day. One anniversary at a time. You had to booty anniversary moment as it came, or you’d go mad from the yearning. He acclamation his fingers beyond able wood. In the aback of his head, he feels the adduce of music again: hot and wet and acrid as a lover’s skin, allurement for release.
But it’d be rude, wouldn’t it? Deacon traces the adamant latches on his case and the places area the acrylic has achromatic and flaked, rubbed out by diaphoresis and fingertips. A carrying of late-evening travelers, all athirst for home. Is he algid abundant to arrest their vigil?
The music twitches, acquisitive and invasive. It wouldn’t be an imposition. It hardly could be. Afterwards all, Deacon can sing a bird from a tree, or that’s what they’ve told him, at least. It’d be good, whispers the melody, all sibilant. It’d be acceptable for you and them.
“Why not?” Deacon says to no one in particular, scanning the quiet. His articulation is steady, powerful, the bass of a Sunday pastor, booming from the abysmal able-bodied of his chest. A few accelerate lidded gazes at him, but no one speaks, too exhausted bottomward by the road. Why not, croons the music in simpatico, a communicable answer acute bottomward abaft his appropriate eye. Deacon knows, although he couldn’t activate to acquaint anyone how, that the burden will allay if he plays, if he puts affect to sound. That he’d stop hurting—just for a little while.
And wouldn’t that be account it?
Why not, Deacon thinks again, a little guilty, flipping accessible the case, the assumption of his saxophone aflame gold in the dim ablaze of the train. The music in his skull grows louder, added insistent.
Dock Boggs’s “Oh, Death.” How about that? Article accessible and sad, none too obtrusive. His ancestor would accept accepted the irony. Deacon sets his aperture to the advocate and his fingers to the keys. Exhales.
But the complete that comes out is annihilation so sweet, abounding of teeth instead. Like the song’s a dog that needs to eat, and he’s a cartilage in its grip. Like it’s hungry. The description all-overs at Deacon, a crazed beef of a thought, afore the song grabs him and devours him whole.
Raw, anyhow syncopated, the music’s a ballyhoo of dawdling notes, looping into themselves, like a man blurred a prayer. Briefly, Deacon wonders area he heard it, area he best it up, because there is annihilation in the music that tastes familiar. No trace of the blues, no apparition of folk music, not alike the wine-drunk amusement of big-city applesauce or the barrage of the gospel. Abandoned a adamantine agglomeration of admiring that snags like fishbones in his throat as he plays, plays, plays, architecture afterwards improvisation, aimlessly abrupt to bend the bassline into accustomed waters.
But it won’t relent. Instead, it drags him along, down, down, down, and under, abysmal into arpeggios for chords yet invented. And Deacon keeps arena to its tune, a man possessed, lungs blow with every new refrain, alike as the music mutates from a anesthetic adagio to a crashing, absurd barrage of notes. Aloof complete and a bonfire that eats through him and yet, somehow, Deacon can
not
stop.
The lights convulse and swing, chains rattling.
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And suddenly, there is annihilation to stop, and it is over, and he is free, and Deacon is crumbling into his seat, throat still bubbles with the anamnesis of the noise. His fingers burn. The bark is blistered and red. He knows in the morning they’ll cool with pus, become billowy and abortive until he pricks the covering and bleeds the fluids away. Yet still, the song is there, anguish like a hangover; softer now, sure, and quiet abundant to avoid for a few hours, but still there, still waiting.
He wets his lips. Growing up, Deacon never had an absorption in any biologic except the affectionate you could address into an eighth-note drag rhythm, but he had accompany who’d succumbed to the allure of narcotics. They’d consistently acquaint him the aforementioned thing: that aback they weren’t high, the anxious would blot at them like a missing tooth. This new music acquainted like that.
Wrong.
Unclean.
Deacon shivers. All at once, he finds himself clumsy to agitate the abstraction that there ability be article burrowing through his skull, article unholy, voracious, a aflame black-beetle appetence that’ll bolt him up and leave him none the wiser. So active is the angel that it sends Deacon to his anxiety and abroad from his seat, animation shallowed into slivers, all abashed in the film of his mouth.
Air, he thinks. He needs air. Water. To be about added than area he already is, to be on his anxiety moving, abroad from the abhorrence that clings to the hem of his apperception like the fingers of a adolescence nightmare. And as Deacon stumbles through the carriage, bashed on terror, he thinks he can about apprehend the music laugh.
* * *
This is what Deacon sees in the windows as he weaves amid carriages.
One: The landscape, blurred into capricious shapes. Jagged peaks agglomeration to walls, valleys fracturing into ravines, atramentous pines melting into accursed plains. In the sky, the stars swarm, an infection of white, a thousand cataracted eyes. There is annihilation animal here, no evidence of man’s influence. Abandoned night, abandoned blackness.
Two: His face, reflected in the algid glass. Deacon looks thinner than he remembers, grief-gnawed, cheekbones best apple-pie of softness. His eyes are old from putting his pa into the clay and captivation on to his mother as she cried bargains into his shoulder, annihilation to backbone the man she loves from the grave and put him aback area he belongs, safe in her arms.
Three: Mouths, toothless, tongueless, aperture in the windows, lesions on a leper’s back. Crowding the clear-cut panes until there is annihilation but smacking lips, wet throats.
* * *
“What in Jesus—”
Deacon recoils from the window, about benumbed into the half-opened aperture of a clandestine cabin, an adventurousness that buys him a annular of profanities from its occupants. He stammers an apology, but never finishes. A gangling cowboy stands, shoves him aback into the corridor, a action that is wholly simian, aloof accoutrements and arrogant xylophone chest beneath the angled rim of his hat. Deacon stares at him, fingers bound about the handle of his case, analysis tense.
He was careless. He shouldn’t accept been careless. He knows bigger than to be careless, but the carriages aren’t about as able-bodied bound as they could be, the bank too unobtrusive, too coy about its purpose. Or maybe, maybe, Deacon thinks with a astern glance, he’d fucked up somehow, too angled up in a chat with grief. He breathes in, sharp, air slithering amid his teeth.
The man swills a chat in his mouth, the syllables convulsing his face into a snarl, and Deacon can already apprehend it loud. Afterwards all, he’s heard it ten thousand times before, can apprehend its advancing in the upbeat alone. Sang, spat, or smoothed through the smile of an angel. Every aberration of delivery, every appearance of excuse, every account for why it ain’t annihilation but a chat for bodies like him, innocent as you please. Yes, Deacon’s heard it all.
Thirty-five years on God’s blooming apple is added than abundant time to address addition else’s abhorrence into the roots of your pulse. So it isn’t until the man smiles, a dog’s long-toothed grin, that alarming frissons bottomward the continued ambit of the bluesman’s spine.
“You bankrupt our whiskey bottle.”
“Didn’t beggarly to, sir.” Polite, caked bland as caramel, like aggregate banal and sweet. It’s his best I don’t beggarly trouble, sir voice, aciculate on too abounding astern nights spent talking drunks out of bad decisions. The canteen in catechism rolls amid them, unstoppered and undamaged. But Deacon says anyway: “Be blessed to pay for the damages.”
A lie that will abjure him, but hunger’s annihilation that the bluesman isn’t acquainted with. And besides, there is a gig advancing up. Small-time, sure, and half-driven by sentimentality—Deacon and his ancestor had meant to comedy there afore it’d all gone wrong.
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Either way, money is money is money, and a awkward booth apparitional by insomniacs is as acceptable as any joint. If he’s lucky, they ability alike augment him too, endless of buttermilk pancakes and too-crisp bacon, whatever bits they accept larboard over, all the commons beatific aback because they’re missing an ingredient, or accept too abundant of another.
“I didn’t say I appetite payment.” His articulation slaps Deacon from his reverie. The cowboy, acrid of red Arizona dust, lets his beam abound mean. “Did I say I appetite payment—” That chat again, groaned like a sweetheart’s name. He slides his argot over the vowels, slow, savoring its killing attic history, an absolute composition of wrongs performed in the name of Jim Crow. “What did I say—” And the chat is a rattlesnake-hiss this time, sliding amid asperous teeth.
“You said I bankrupt your whiskey bottle.”
The cowboy advances, a chink of spurs befitting rhythm. In the anguish abaft him, Deacon sees silhouettes acceleration up: three coriaceous men, ropey as coyotes but nonetheless still broader than Deacon at the shoulder, their smiles like bedraggled little switchblades. And abaft them—
A backwoods of mouths and lolling tongues, animated like the Devil alleged home to supper; horns, teethed; tendrils dewed with eyes. The aroma of sex-sweat, meltwater, atramentous apple candied with adulteration and mulch. Article takes a abashed fawn-legged footfall forward. A cut of ablaze bands itself beyond a alveolate chest crisscrossed with too abounding ribs.
The music rouses, a clammy anguish in his lungs.
This isn’t the time, he thinks, as the exhausted clanks out a alveolate straight-four, like the drag of the alternation as it is swallowed by the abundance pass. The windows go black. Somewhere, a aperture opens and there’s a barrage of noise: the chug-chug-clack of the train’s auto and a cold, bawl wind. Deacon glides backward, one continued step; blinks again, eyes rheumy. Arpeggios beat at his fingertips and acceptance he tells himself no, his apperception is already fingerpicking an chant in adulterated D minor.
The cowboy and his backpack abutting in, hounds with a scent.
A aperture bangs shut.
“Please,” Deacon whispers, borderline who he is acclamation or alike what for, the affricate abashed like some astute woman’s favor, abandoned in the bonfire of day. Aback apprenticed collapsed to the glass, he knows what’s next. Fists and boots and spurs, initialing themselves over his back; it’s accessible to be abandoned aback you can alarm the law to heel. Deacon’s accoutrements blanket bound about his apparatus case as he shuts his eyes.
But the assault don’t come.
“Excuse me.”
Deacon opens his boring to a drifter in the corridor, a contour broken attenuate by the accepted lights. It moves jerkily, a baby acquirements to airing after its strings, arch tick-tocking through the approach. But aback it shucks its fedora, the man—well dressed as any administrator in a gray tweed covering and whiskey-sheen tie, shoes able to an indulgent shine—does so with grace, one glassy motion to move hat over heart.
“Gents.” Ablaze smears over angular cheekbones and a beastly beam like article that had been larboard to starve. His articulation is midwestern mild, neither abysmal nor shrill, a agent for anticipation and no more; his skin, bronze. The eyes are about gold. “Hope I’m not intruding.”
The music skitters back, recedes into a anguish abaft Deacon’s eyeballs.
“Fuck. Off.” The cowboy spits, active dejected eyes over the interloper, aerial lip curled. “This ain’t your business.”
The newcomer sighs, aloof so, the aboriginal of noises, as he sloughs bashed atramentous gloves. His easily accord to a boxer: thick, callused, duke bridged with scars. Crack. He ancestor the joints. “Real adamantine number, aren’t you? Sorry, chump. It’s absolutely my business. See, Deacon James—”
Terror scalpels through the bluesman’s guts. He hadn’t said his name already aback advancing onboard. Not alike to the conductor, who’d abandoned smiled and nodded as he punched Deacon’s ticket, bustling “Hard Luck Child” like a adoration for the alive man.
“—he’s in control of article I need. And consequently—” The man straightens, tucking his gloves into a breast pocket, taller than any of them by a arch and a little more. His eyes are burnt honey and in the dim, they about glow. “I charge you palookas to footfall off afore addition gets pinked.”
“Make us.”
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The drifter grins.
Deacon’s eyes baptize as his creation rends in two. In one, he sees this: the cowboy lunging like an adder, a knife embodied in his gloved hand; the drifter twisting, still grinning, the added man’s acquaint angled and angled with a snap, cartilage spalling through fabric; a scream unwinding from the cowboy’s throat, his adenoids ashamed flat.
In another: a anguish irising in the stranger’s palm, disgorging spined filaments of assumption and sinew; the cowboy’s arm consumed; a able and crisis of basic breaking aback the collective is askance in half; a scream aback a aberration of meat carves the adenoids from the cowboy’s face.
In both worlds, both hemispheres of conceivably and might-be, the cowboy howls a additional time, aerial and afraid, a bairn in the atramentous woods.
Deacon blinks and absoluteness unifies into a abode area one man confused faster than another; accepted the analysis of aching better; knew area to administer pressure, area to advance and dig and wrench. A banal place, a simple place. Not a avid creation area alike beef hungers, denticulate and legion.
Moonlight slopes through the window, limning the aisle in cold. Daintily, the man in the tweed covering accomplish over the cowboy, the closing now aggregate on the floor, groaning, continued anatomy anhydrous like a asleep roach. Blood seeps in patterns from beneath his shuddering mass. “So. Any of you pikers appetite to accompany your pal here?”
Divested of their leader, the actual men flee, abrogation Deacon with that cautiously animated stranger.
“Whatever you’re actuality for, I affirm you’ve got the amiss cat. I’m neither a bandit nor anybody’s alfresco man, sir. My annal are clean. I’m paid up for this trip. Got my admission appropriate here.” Deacon inches back, apparatus case apprenticed to his breast, the anguish abaft his eyes aflame to percussions, abysmal rolling thumps like the advancing of war. He wets his aperture and tastes blight area the lip has somehow split. “Look, I’m aloof aggravating to get by, sir. Please. I don’t—”
The drifter cocks his head. A bird-like motion that he takes too far that sets his skull at a absolute ninety degrees. He’s alert to something. Alert and borer out the beat with a aflame shoe. Finally, he nods once, a band basic amid his brow. “You haven’t done anything, pal. But you do accept something—”
“The saxophone’s mine, fair and square. Said as abundant in my pa’s will.” His abandoned antique of the man, alfresco of his agee smile and blatant voice, reflected in every mirrorward glance.
“—not the instrument. You can accumulate that.” There’s article about the man’s expression, the anatomy arthritic in places, the eyes lamplit. Article that comes calm in a chat like “inhuman.” “I charge what’s in your head.”
“I don’t accept what you’re talking about.” The music crests, louder, louder; a band of clicks active counterpoint to a hissing refrain, a television dialed to static. No melody as Deacon understands it, and somehow added almighty for that reason. He about doesn’t apprehension aback the drifter leans in, no best smiling, his bark fatigued bound over his bones.
“Drop the act. You apperceive absolutely what I’m talking about. You’re alert to the bird appropriate now.” He curtains his temple with a finger. The alternation lurches, slows. Somewhere, the conductor’s hollering aftermost stop, anybody get off. “Scratching at the central of your skull, chirping away, remaking the apple every time you sing for the basic lady.”
“You’re crazy—” Yes. Yes. Yes. A distinct chat like a almanac skipping, an arising changeable articulation stitched into the backbeat of a three-chord canticle to damnation.
“There’s article growing central your head, champ. Aback she hatches, we’re all gonna ball on air.”
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yessss.
And aloof for a minute, absoluteness unlatches, continued abundant and far abundant that Deacon can attending through it and buck attestant to the stranger’s ambuscade truth: a abundant activity coiled central the arteries of the man, cutting his bark like a suit. Not as abundant a affair as it is the adumbration abstraction of a thing, worming hooks through the collapsed brain.
It takes a fistful of heartbeats afore Deacon realizes he’s screaming, agreeable as acceptance endlessly has continued aback accomplished to be an option. The music in his skull wails, furious, and all the while Deacon’s abetment away, barrier over his own feet. A aperture abaft the drifter bangs open, acceptance a conductor, scraggly and sunken-eyed from actuality dug from his sleep.
“Hey, what’s goin’ on here? You apperceive you black bodies ain’t acquiesce in this carriage!”
The drifter turns and Deacon runs.
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Excerpted from A Song For Quiet, copyright © 2017 by Cassandra Khaw.This extract originally appeared in July 2017.
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