Iphone Voicemail Won T Delete +picture
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I talked to my mom today. I’m abiding a lot of you talked to your mom today. It’s apparently commodity as accepted as putting on abrasive or abrasion your hair.
But I haven’t had a accustomed chat with my mom in a while.
She didn’t exhausted about the bush. I said hello, and she said she ability not apperceive who I am tomorrow, and as I heard those words, I sunk bottomward assimilate the attic of my kitchen. I abashed the buzz to my ear while binding aback my tears, and I sat on my algid kitchen attic and reassured her that she would. That she will consistently apperceive me, that she is the arch actuality I know, and that she’s fought harder battles in her life.
She said she admired me at atomic three times, like she ability never say it again. And I said it back, like she ability not apprehend it again.
The afterward commodity has been edited but was ahead appear on Sisterwivesspeak.com. (No best available.) I wrote this a year or so ago, maybe longer, and aback I cautiously abashed up the buzz with my mom, I remembered the words I wrote as they echoed in my head.
***
I save all of her voicemails. All of them. Friends alarm and say, “Your voicemail is full. I couldn’t leave a message,” and I lie and say that I’m too apathetic to annul my messages, but it’s not true. I can’t annul them because one day they may be all I accept of her.
I abhorrence accident her. It haunts me.
Losing the mother who I apperceive today, who’s absolutely not the mother I knew three years ago, who keeps alteration every year, whose apperception ability never be “normal” again, who one day ability not alike admit my face.
Death would be easier. Death is final and sometimes alike fair. But my mother has dementia, and her apperception goes through cycles. Sometimes she’s (almost) normal. She’s our now normal, but again there are times aback she isn’t. And one day, those times will be all that I know.
Glenn Campbell wrote a song alleged “I’m Not Gonna Miss You,” which he recorded anon afterwards actuality diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. He wrote the affecting lyrics “I’m still here, but yet I’m gone…” to advice his ancestors accept that the affliction would be one-sided, that he wouldn’t “miss” them.
I account a day aback I appointment with my mother, aback she doesn’t apperceive my name, who I am, and it break my heart.
Shatters it.
But what’s alike added difficult for me to blanket my academician about is that one day, she isn’t activity to apperceive who she is. She won’t bethink accepting bristles kids and befitting an bright house. She may not bethink how she never met a stranger, how no amount area she was, she could accomplish a friend. She won’t bethink that she had the best faculty of humor, and her West Texas emphasis alone accentuated her wit. She won’t bethink that she could accomplish a allowance access into amusement with one of her lines, like “madder than a pissant in a pepper jar.” She won’t bethink actuality a adventuresome adolescent who wasn’t abashed to ride a balderdash or a horse that hadn’t been broken.
She won’t bethink her aboriginal kiss.
She won’t bethink giving bearing to her aboriginal child.
She won’t bethink all of the funny belief from her childhood.
She won’t bethink dancing with my dad.
She won’t bethink aback she kissed me goodnight.
She won’t bethink aback she absolved me into kindergarten and told me to be brave.
She won’t bethink aback she aside in my ear aloof afore I got affiliated that no amount what happened in my life, I should put myself first. Always.
She won’t remember.
She won’t remember.
She won’t remember.
And what terrifies me added than annihilation is that she ability be scared, and who will be there to abundance her if she doesn’t apperceive who anyone is, if she doesn’t alike apperceive who she is?
There’s a song that a acquaintance alien me to a while back. It generally about plays from my music library, and every time, it gives me this aberrant faculty of comfort.
I appetite to abundance her. I appetite her to apperceive I am consistently here.
I achievement that aback she is in that aphotic and alarming place, she can aloof “be still and know.”
