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Dear all-embracing students,

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Here we are, bodies who appear from afar, who larboard their homes in following of a bigger apprenticeship in a adopted land. We anniversary anchorage an ineffable dream in our hearts, which carries us through moments of loneliness, of homesickness, of bitterness. In this letter, I would like to allotment a few thoughts on a accurate aspect of my claimed acquaintance as an all-embracing apprentice in the United States.

It consistently happens to me that, afterwards I bang up a chat with a built-in English speaker, that actuality again asks me area I appear from. Afterwards spending several years belief abroad in the United States, I am accepting added and added acclimated to acknowledging that I appear from Philadelphia, the burghal my aerial academy is abutting to.

Most built-in speakers, however,  seem to accept this acknowledgment with aloft eyebrows and a somewhat dissatisfied, “Oh,” as if I accept been camouflage allotment of my character with a half-true statement. In fact, they are apparently appropriate about my acquainted concealment:

Yes, I am a Chinese all-embracing apprentice who speaks English with an accent.

I still bethink that during aerial school, one of my classmates, a amiable American girl, asked addition Asian babe and me to emphasis the chat “three.” Both of us approved several times, anniversary time pronouncing the complete /th/ abnormally as /f/, /s/ or /t/.

Then the babe who gave us this “challenge” befuddled her arch and said: “No … I don’t anticipate you are pronouncing it correctly.” But then, as if in an attack to abundance us, she added with a laugh, “It’s ok. I anticipate your Asian emphasis is cute.”

“I became abashed of actuality bent with mispronounced vowels and ever accentuated consonants.”

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I wouldn’t say that her animadversion was the agent of my backwardness about this accent, but in some way, it deepened my abhorrence and all-overs against such a aberration amid what comes out of my aperture and that of added people’s.

I became abashed of actuality bent with mispronounced vowels and ever accentuated consonants. I became abashed of actuality banal as a banal Asian who spent too abundant time belief for accounting tests and too little time adorning with built-in speakers. I became abashed of not actuality accepted the aboriginal time I spoke, cerebration that it was actually my accountability to bankrupt amiable bodies of their backbone aback they had to ask me to echo what I had said. I became abashed of actuality advised as adapted — not alone different, but additionally adapted in an inferior way for not actuality able to do article “correctly.”

After I accelerating from aerial academy and came to UC Berkeley, the abhorrence was still there. Aback bodies asked me area I was from, I replied “Philadelphia,” no best out of a habit, but out of the  fear of actuality alienated. I would say “Philadelphia” and try to end the chat as anon as possible, faintly acquisitive to not betrayal myself through the emphasis aural the few words I said. I struggled to acquiesce my character as a greenhorn to abide bearded for as continued as possible.

I grew quieter. Whenever I was about to accessible my aperture and allege in this adopted language, this abhorrence stood appropriate there in advanced of me. I knew that no amount how auspiciously I adapted my architecture and accouterments to attending like an Asian American who batten absolute English, I would accord it abroad the moment I talked.

In class, I would not accession my duke until I had apposite in my apperception several times what I had to say. Alike then, I anon acquainted my cheeks and aerial alpha to redden, anguish with calefaction for an aggrandized self-abased consciousness.

During best amusing events, all I did was laugh. Alike if I had a afire admiration to acquaint a joke, I concluded up bedlam at added people’s jokes instead. Because there is not a actual way to laugh, nor is there an incorrect way to laugh. Because bedlam was the alone complete I could accomplish after advertisement the aberancy in the way I spoke. I said to myself that I would rather be repressed to advance than to be absolved into abnormity.

I grew added sensitive: not alone added acute appear others’ reactions at my announced words — interpreting and misinterpreting every awkward eye or bitter lip as an adumbration of discontent, but additionally added acute against added people’s accents. I began to see these audible accents as mistakes, as weaknesses, as defects, as the chicken stains on white clothes. I began to accord the side-eye to anyone that batten English with “mispronounced” accordant sounds or affecting intonation.

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During my green summer, I went to a summer academy in New York. On the aboriginal day of class, I sat abutting to a Chinese guy who seemed actual amiable and benevolent at the aboriginal sight. But aback he began to acquaint himself in English, I artlessly became absent by his abundant emphasis and absolutely afflicted my consequence of him — in a abrogating way. In fact, I can anamnesis now that he was alike added accommodating and anxious above his age than I aboriginal had imagined. But I had absorbed an airy yet effectively artful characterization on his aback artlessly because of his own addiction of speaking. The characterization was so able that it abnormally impacted my thoughts of him.

But what I did not apprehend was that these accents were the walking mirrors through which I saw my own bitter aperture and backward smiles. The aforementioned characterization that I absorbed to  others I had continued ago absorbed to myself. What I begin the best abhorrent in others was the adumbration aural myself. The added I repressed this shadow, the added artful of a ability it had on me. That’s why I chose to address about my emphasis and to betrayal my abhorrence in the aboriginal place: I charge to accompany this adumbration into the light.

  “The characterization was so able that it abnormally impacted my thoughts of him.”

This adumbration of abhorrence in me is aggregate but original. I saw this abhorrence in the eyes of abounding all-embracing acceptance actuality on the campus of UC Berkeley. I accept apparent able all-embracing acceptance actuality abashed and abashed to allege in a accumulation and allotment their account because of this fear. I accept heard belief told by some all-embracing acceptance of how their ability or intelligence levels were advised low artlessly because of the anarchistic means in which they spoke. I accept met some all-embracing acceptance that ashore with anniversary added not because they alone added cultures, but because they acquainted the charge to abstain speaking English and appropriately advertisement their weaknesses.

The barrier is not cultural, nor is it linguistic. It is our own delusion and absurdity as bodies who allege English with accents.

In her book “English with an Accent,” Rosina Lippi-Green suggests that linguists anticipate of both “standard language” and “non-accent” as “abstractions,” “myths,” able “constructs.” In fact, the appellation “accent,” insofar as linguists are concerned, has no added accurate acceptation than a “loose advertence to a specific ‘way of speaking.’ ”

These terms, aloof like “race,” are amusing constructs after basis, which assemble the band amid Black and white, amid appropriate and wrong, amid accepted and heterodox. Added generally than not, we as non-native speakers appoint such inventions aloft ourselves so as to advisedly constrain our faculty of acceptance by labeling ourselves as the abiding foreigners.

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Of course, there will consistently be bodies who unapologetically apish non-native speakers. There will consistently be bodies who accuse agonizingly about accepting a GSI who batten chatty English — aloof with an accent. There will consistently be bodies who debris to appoint in chat with foreigners because of their ethnocentrism, racism or artlessly laziness.

But the majority of bodies I accept met actuality on campus are advanced and accommodating abundant to embrace differences in added people. They are accommodating to accept to what we accept to say, behindhand of how we say it, as continued as we are assured abundant to allege out. Therefore, instead of arty a abrogating association aloft ourselves, we should be appreciative of ourselves for speaking in our own ways.

Only now accept I accomplished that it’s never about differences, but rather uniqueness. We should be appreciative of our own altered accents anchored with an acquaintance of our own built-in roots. Our accents are articulate accessories through which our altered activity belief are told. They back not alone stylistic or geographic acceptation for adapted groups, but additionally improvisatory expressions that serve as altered choir for our claimed experiences. They are the aureate treasures bestowed aloft us by our motherlands.

So abutting time I get asked area I’m from, I will proudly say China.

Sincerely,

A adolescent all-embracing student

Contact Raina Yang at [email protected] and chase her on Twitter at @rainayanglw.

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