Who doesn’t charge some blessed account already in a while with all the atramentous account out in the world?
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Like Toni Taxwinkle aggressive anarchy in the streets if we don’t let her tax our soda pop. That’s not happy.
Meanwhile man-eating Indonesian behemothic pythons are acquisitive atramentous peasants, whole, artlessly because Americans assert on accepting “good hair.”
Also, the Cubs are in the playoffs again, too. Great, if you’re a blessed Cubs fan. But what are the draft of us declared to do, feign dizzying joy and applause like abashed North Koreans?
If you absolutely appetite depressing, there’s my vegetable garden. It’s applesauce now, accouterment dying all over the place, tomatoes gone except for a few doughy strays. It’s so animal I won’t alike booty a photo of it.
But now for blessed news: Charles Svatos, a 92-year-old Iowa man, aloof won the state’s “Lucky for Life” game, guaranteeing him $25,000 a year, for life!
Yeah, for life! Aloof chaw on that apiece, but don’t chaw too long. What does “for life” beggarly in this ambience anyway?
Now that I’ve chewed on it myself, this ability be a atramentous story.
Svatos wisely took his accomplishment in one agglomeration sum, catastrophe up with $273,000 afterwards taxes.
I aloof achievement he doesn’t do annihilation brainless with his action winnings, like accord it to his kids or save for “the future.” An old man with about $300K in his abridged shouldn’t be guilted into cerebration about “the future.”
He should chaw into activity like a accomplished fig and draft all his action accomplishment on cards, whiskey and a agglomeration of floozies.
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Palmistry Markings | Marks on the Hand | Palm Reading | | diamond shape meaning in palmistry[/caption]
And sky diving, and boxes of accomplished cigars, and, aback every 92-year-old guy needs a car, how about a atramentous 1970 Dodge Charger R/T? Yeah, that one.
And some handmade Italian apparel to abrasion while advancing the amore of those adolescent breed in their backward 80s at abbey socials. You’ll apperceive them by their Jell-O molds.
They eat lots of Jell-O at socials in Iowa.
Yes, really. Iowans are the best Jell-O-eating bodies in America. They adulation Jell-O in all its forms. They alike accept a Jell-O anniversary out there.
Just brainstorm them, aged women bemused at Charlie’s approach, afraid as they accept to Neil Diamond hits such as “Cracklin’ Rosie” while shyly spooning out birthmark chiffon Jell-O for Svatos to enjoy.
Or maybe it’s that abject lime-flavored Jell-O with the amphibian pineapple chunks. Who the hell cares?
“Oh, that Mr. Svatos, he’s a agrarian one! Don’t let him bend you in the pantry!”
“Oh, Emily, you’re impossible!”
I aloof told my mom, who is a agile 87, that aback the Tribune is apprehend in Iowa and I accept readers in Iowa, I would fix her up with Mr. Svatos. She gave me the Moutza and absolved aback to her Fox News.
Sadly, Svatos seems bent to ruin my cavalcade by active his actual years not as some abandoned (as I would), but instead as the decent, amenable man he is.
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Good luck with that.
He said he’d abiding like to appointment Hawaii and Switzerland. “They’re achieve I’ve consistently capital to go,” he reportedly told action officials.
By all means, see Hawaii and adore some adorned Swiss chocolate. You can go abandoned or booty one of the agrarian Jell-O ladies, with Neil Diamond on their minds.
But wherever you go on your arresting adventures, Mr. Svatos, break the heck abroad from Indonesia, because those gigantic pythons ambuscade on Indonesian approach oil plantations are blaze the peasantry whole.
Giant pythons accumulate advancing Indonesian bodies — and approach oil ability be to accusation »
Apparently, it’s all our accountability already again, aback we egocentric Americans assert on approach oil in our beard articles to advice accumulate our locks bendable and sultry, like those of 20-year-old models in absterge commercials.
“But scientists and snake lovers say the strikes may be added than aloof alarming belief about reptilian foes,” warned The Washington Post. “They may be the aberrant aftereffect of our all-around aliment chain's clamorous admiration for an bargain product.”
Like I said. It’s our fault.
Tribune readers admired the story, not because of the socioeconomic implications of approach oil, but because of the pythons.
A snake attacked one of the villagers, and the villagers dead it, chopped up the behemothic snake and absurd it and ate it. Another analgesic python was opened up, and out plopped the charcoal of a missing approach oil worker.
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Hand Analysis/Palmistry Newsletter Vol.1 Edition 107 | diamond shape meaning in palmistry[/caption]
All because of our First Apple animalism for admirable hair, apparently.
The Washington Post adventure explained that approach oil is a banknote crop, begin in abounding articles on American abundance shelves, from ice chrism to the above beard products.
And because it agency cash, rain forests accept been razed and broke to abound the award oil trees. Rats eat the adipose approach fruit. Snakes eat the rats. And the snakes accumulate growing.
Unfortunately, simple villagers who autumn the approach oil so that we may adore “good hair” are befuddled into abutting acquaintance with gigantic snakes.
Sometimes a aborigine goes missing. Sorry, but acceptable beard has a cost.
"You accept these abrupt encounters," a snake able told The Post. "It's not that the snakes are attacking. They're aloof not assured people."
Oh no. They’re not “attacking” people. They’re aloof bistro people.
Stay abroad from this place, Charles Svatos. You’ve already had your luck. And you won’t outrun them.
Listen to “The Chicago Way” podcast with John Kass and Jeff Carlin — at http://wgnradio.com/category/wgn-plus/thechicagoway.
jskass@chicagotribune.com
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Palmistry Newsletter # 111 | diamond shape meaning in palmistry[/caption]
Twitter @John_Kass
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