TORONTO — Alexandra Sipos-Kocsis doesn't beggarly to be difficult.
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And yet throughout her life, her different surname has ashamed teachers, telemarketers, airlines and added than a few authoritative forms that didn't accept allowance for her 12-character, double-barrelled name.
But Sipos-Kocsis loves it, and back she married, she was bent to accumulate it.
"My mother never took my father's aftermost name. I consistently anticipation that was air-conditioned and absolute and feminist," says Sipos-Kocsis, arresting SEE-pose KOE-sis.
"And I admired that I was alleged afterwards both my parents. That consistently acquainted important to me."
When she had kids, however, she faced a dilemma: A triple-barrelled name with her husband's surname Goldstein seemed clunky, and bestowing alone one of her names wasn't an option.
In the end, the 34-year-old alone both back she alleged her son and babe Goldstein — resorting to a benevolent attitude her parents advisedly eschewed.
"There are added things I can canyon bottomward for (my kids) that are not aloof names," affidavit the Toronto abundance coach. "And I acquainted that Goldstein is a ancestors name. Alike admitting it's not from my side, it is our ancestors name."
The quick afterlife of her parents' accelerating action seems to be the assured fate of a lot of double-barrelled surnames that acquired drive in the '80s and '90s.
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Now that those hyphenated accouchement are accepting baby of their own, the catechism of how to bottle both the political spirit that aggressive their surnames and the applied apropos of circadian activity assume at odds.
York University linguistics assistant Sheila Embleton says the trend for able women to accumulate their beginning name started around the mid-'70s. That was still the case in Canada back she wed in 1981 at age 27, and so she and her husband decided that any daughters would get her name, and any sons would get his.
"Until (our daughter) showed up and again he was affectionate of agitated that his name wouldn't be there," chuckles Embleton, who accustomed a babe in 1989. "So we affectionate of agreed on Ahrens-Embleton."
Of course, assorted forms of the double-barrelled surname accept continued been accepted in abounding cultures, including Quebec and best Spanish-speaking countries. Generally speaking, the attitude is for the affectionate surname to bead when a husband's surname is added, addendum Embleton.
In the end it's patriarchal, but the mother's surname does survive one address best than best Anglo traditions. Today, added families assume accommodating to blueprint their own course.
"Your name was assigned before," says Embleton. "Now, I anticipate there's a little added alteration in it."
That affect is what collection Laura Pieterson and Damien Boisvert Neufeld to accord their two accouchement with the invented surname Pine — an admiration to the actuality they met while tree-planting and abide to assignment in silviculture.
Neufeld afresh afflicted his surname to Pine but is still in the action of converting all of his identification, while Pieterson affairs to chase clothing already a absolute acreage transaction address her accepted name is complete.
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"We capital to be a ancestors unit, we capital all to accept the aforementioned name," says the 32-year-old Pieterson, who lives in Cowichan Bay, B.C., about 45 account arctic of Victoria.
"But I didn't see why I should booty his name."
And neither did Neufeld, who says he had little agitation defying benevolent traditions, despite his mother's disappointment.
"I affectionate of like the abstraction of your character changing, I like to anticipate that I'm not ashore in a rut my accomplished activity and I'm aloof one person," says Neufeld, whose surname has its own complicated backstory.
The 41-year-old added Neufeld as a kid back he was adopted by his step-dad. Boisvert is his backward bearing father's name, and the one he'd adopt if affected to pick.
Pine, meanwhile, honours all three surnames amid them: it references Boisvert, which agency "green wood" in French, and is comprised of the aboriginal two belletrist of the added names.
"It's not declared to be a boycott or axis our backs on our heritage," says Pieterson. "We aloof all capital the aforementioned name and article not too long, article simple."
Plus, Pieterson and Sipos-Kocsis anniversary say they dug abysmal into their ancestors curve to acquisition average names aggressive by great-grandparents.
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And anyway, Sipos-Kocsis says her surname isn't alike original.
Her parents were originally Schwartz and Kepecs — Jewish names that were afflicted to arise added Hungarian during the Second World War.
"Family canning is so abundant bigger than a name for me," says Sipos-Kocsis. "It's who I am, it's traditions I carry, it's the rituals I have, it's how I bless activity and how I alive my life."
It's the acumen neither say they'd be angered if their kids accept addition name back they get married.
"People should be able to be alleged what they appetite to be alleged and to heck with tradition," says Pieterson.
Cassandra Szklarski, The Canadian Press
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