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18-year-old Sophia Chua-Rubenfeld with mom Amy and sister Louisa, nicknamed “Lulu”. (Erin Patrice OBrien for The Wall Street Journal)
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Sophia (left) and Lulu (far right) were aloft by parents Jeff and Amy in a austere household, as abundant in Amy’s book (inset right) but Sophia says there was still affluence of laughter. ()
Practice pays off: Sophia arena Carnegie Hall in 2007. ()
Fun in the kitchen with mom and Lulu. ()
Writer Amy Chua abashed the apple with her annoying essay, “Why Chinese Mothers are Superior,” aback it appeared in the Wall Street Journal beforehand this month.
The article, excerpted from her new book, “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother,” declared “how Chinese parents accession such stereotypically acknowledged kids.” It led with a manifesto: “Here are some things my daughters, Sophia and Louisa, were never accustomed to do: appear a sleepover; accept a playdate; be in a academy play; accuse about not actuality in a academy play; watch TV or comedy computer games; accept their own extracurricular activities; get any brand below than an A; not be the No. 1 apprentice in every accountable except gym and drama; comedy any apparatus added than the piano or violin; not comedy the piano or violin.”
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While Chua says she has accustomed afterlife threats for her comments (one analyzer alleged her the “worst mother ever”), the catechism remains: What do her own accouchement think? Now Chua’s earlier daughter, Sophia Chua-Rubenfeld, 18, tells her ancillary of the adventure alone to The Post . . .
Dear Tiger Mom,
You’ve been criticized a lot aback you appear your memoir, “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.” One botheration is that some bodies don’t get your humor. They anticipate you’re austere about all this, and they accept Lulu and I are afflicted by our angry mother. That is so not true. Every added Thursday, you booty off our chains and let us comedy algebraic amateur in the basement.
But for real, it’s not their fault. No alien can apperceive what our ancestors is absolutely like. They don’t apprehend us arise up over anniversary other’s jokes. They don’t see us bistro our hamburgers with absurd rice. They don’t apperceive how abundant fun we accept aback the six of us — dogs included — clasp into one bed and altercate about what movies to download from Netflix.
I accept it: Having you as a mother was no tea party. There were some comedy dates I ambition I’d gone to and some piano camps I ambition I’d skipped. But now that I’m 18 and about to leave the tiger den, I’m animated you and Daddy aloft me the way you did. Here’s why.
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A lot of bodies accept accused you of bearing apprentice kids who can’t anticipate for themselves. Well, that’s funny, because I anticipate those bodies are . . . oh well, it doesn’t matter. At any rate, I was cerebration about this, and I came to the adverse conclusion: I anticipate your austere parenting affected me to be added independent. Early on, I absitively to be an accessible adolescent to raise. Maybe I got it from Daddy — he accomplished me not to affliction what bodies anticipate and to accomplish my own choices — but I additionally absitively to be who I appetite to be. I didn’t rebel, but I didn’t ache all the slings and arrows of a Tiger Mom, either. I appealing abundant do my own affair these canicule — like architecture greenhouses downtown, announcement Daft Punk in the car with Lulu and banishment my admirer to watch “Lord of the Rings” with me over and over — as continued as I get my piano done first.
Everybody’s talking about the altogether cards we already fabricated for you, which you alone because they weren’t acceptable enough. Funny how some bodies are assertive that Lulu and I are aching for life. Maybe if I had caked my affection into it, I would accept been upset. But let’s face it: The agenda was feeble, and I was busted. It took me 30 seconds; I didn’t alike acuminate the pencil. That’s why, aback you alone it, I didn’t feel you were abnegation me. If I absolutely approved my best at something, you’d never bandy it aback in my face.
I bethink walking on date for a piano competition. I was so nervous, and you whispered, “Soso, you formed as adamantine as you could. It doesn’t amount how you do.”
Everybody seems to anticipate art is spontaneous. But Tiger Mom, you accomplished me that alike adroitness takes effort. I assumption I was a little altered from added kids in brand school, but who says that’s a bad thing? Maybe I was aloof advantageous to accept nice friends. They acclimated to put addendum in my haversack that said “Good luck at the antagonism tomorrow! You’ll be great!” They came to my piano recitals — mostly for the dumplings you fabricated after — and I started arrant aback I heard them babble “bravo!” at Carnegie Hall.
When I got to aerial school, you accomplished it was time to let me abound up a little. All the girls started cutting architecture in ninth grade. I absolved to CVS to buy some and accomplished myself how to use it. It wasn’t a big deal. You were afraid aback I came bottomward to banquet cutting eyeliner, but you didn’t mind. You let me accept that rite of passage.
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Another criticism I accumulate audition is that you’re somehow announcement adit vision, but you and Daddy accomplished me to accompany ability for its own sake. In inferior year, I active myself up for a military-history constituent (yes, you let me booty lots of classes besides algebraic and physics). One of our assignments was to account addition who had accomplished war. I knew I could get a acceptable brand interviewing my grandparents, whose adolescence belief about Apple War II I’d heard a thousand times. I mentioned it to you, and you said, “Sophia, this is an befalling to apprentice article new. You’re demography the accessible way out.” You were right, Tiger Mom. In the end, I interviewed a alarming Israeli paratrooper whose adventure afflicted my angle on life. I owe that acquaintance to you.
There’s one added thing: I anticipate the admiration to alive a allusive activity is universal. To some people, it’s alive against a goal. To others, it’s adequate every minute of every day. So what does it absolutely beggarly to alive activity to the fullest? Maybe appetite to win a Nobel Prize and activity skydiving are aloof two abandon of the aforementioned coin. To me, it’s not about accomplishment or self-gratification. It’s about alive that you’ve pushed yourself, anatomy and mind, to the banned of your own potential. You feel it aback you’re sprinting, and aback the piano allotment you’ve accomplished for hours assuredly comes to activity below your fingertips. You feel it aback you appointment a life-changing idea, and aback you do article on your own that you never anticipation you could. If I died tomorrow, I would die activity I’ve lived my accomplished activity at 110 percent.
And for that, Tiger Mom, acknowledge you.
Reported by Mandy Stadtmiller
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